She has had my undivided attention for five years; I've pandered to her every whim; I've cuddled her on demand; and I've given her space whenever she has chosen to meditate - alone!
As each month passes I grow larger. The available space on my lap may soon become an issue. How will she cope? I get uncomfortable as I sit in my chair in the evenings and my constant rumbling upsets her peaceful snoozes. Her soon to be "brother or sister" is getting pretty active and he or she might soon accidentally boot her from my knee.
You have to understand that my pampered pussycat has never been a child substitute. In fact, if it wasn't for her possessiveness of me and complete intolerance of any other cat I'd have preferred to fill my life with dozens of moggies. As it is, this baby is perhaps more of a cat substitute!
I think nothing of getting up at four in the morning when she comes into the bedroom and tells me she's hungry. Without hesitation, I'll get up again just five minutes after returning to bed when she jumps into the bath and starts yowling for a drink of water - she likes fresh water straight from the tap you see. Dutifully, I'll drive past the local shop and go the extra twenty miles to the pet store that stocks her preferred brand of cat litter and, needless to say, I'll always buy her a new flavor of gourmet food whenever she shows signs of tiring of her current favorite. Obviously she'll be allowed a taste of anything I happen to be eating if it takes her fancy too. Ironically, people keep telling me that having a baby in the house will mean my life is no longer my own.
How can I deny her though? She runs to the door to meet me whenever I've been out. Her beautiful tabby face virtually lights up when I walk into the room. She pines for me if I ever have to stay away from home overnight and she sticks to me like a little shadow for days when I finally return. Every morning she snuggles up on the bed beside me and then for the rest of the day she follows me around to keep me company. Such devotion is hard to resist - surely she deserves nothing less than to be unashamedly mollycoddled. She has the choice of every chair in the house, plus her own beanbag of course. Without question I'll sit on the floor if she has chosen to sit on my comfy seat and heaven help any house guest who dares to suggest she might move to make room. Quite odd really, when I'd expect any child to jump instantly to their feet and have manners enough to vacate that very same seat if needed by an adult.
She also pushes doors wide open to get through and never bothers to close them behind her - what child would get away with such behavior? Other endearing habits are ripping upholstery to shreds when claw sharpening and loitering with intent around the dinner table at meal times. Not that she begs; cats, after all, don't stoop to such depths, she simply sits quietly at a dignified distance and stares at me. If that fails - which isn't often - she'll casually start to roll around on the floor putting herself into all of her cutest poses. Works every time.
All of the "new parent" magazines I've read contain articles on how to prepare an older child for the arrival of a new baby but I've yet to discover a feature on the more pressing point of preparing my cat. Information is readily available on limiting the potentially damaging effects of pet hair etc. on children but what about the equally damaging effects of children on cats? How do I prepare her for the sound of a crying baby? What if she joins in? How do I tell her that when I get up at 4am it may not be to feed her first?. What do I do if she adds the baby's rocker to her list of comfy places to snooze. How do I explain that, despite the way it sounds, the fluffy papoose is not actually meant for her and will there be enough room on my lap for her when I'm nursing the baby?
So many unanswered questions. I put them all to her as she lies by my feet while I type but she just looks up at me with that contented grin that only cats have and she yawns. One of those yawns that practically turn her inside out. I have to smile; child substitute she definitely is not but if I do happen to have a baby girl I already have a name in mind: Kitty!
