Lessons Lassie Never Taught Us

Most of us grew up watching lassie on TV. Due to the popularity of the shows the Collie can claim to be one of the most easily recognized dog breeds in the world. Many of us also formed our very first opinions on just what a dog should be from watching those same programs. One question crops up when talking about the popular shows. How much do we really know about Collies based on those delightful programs? At one time, after years of experience with all kinds of canines, I would have given you a totally different answer than I would today. Many of the things that I found to be so outlandish at the time, I can now easily understand. Life with a Collie can have that effect on you.

I think the first real difference that I noticed when I finally got my new Collie pup home was that Collies smell different than any other dog. Of course unlike my beloved wife I don't refer to it as a “stink”. Besides after a short time you get use to it and no longer notice it. The second thing you learn is that while Lassie did, in fact, sound like a Collie on the show. No TV sound system could ever prepare you for just how harsh and shrill a Collie's bark really is. (personally I think they tone it down intentionally) That part of sharing your life with a Collie you never do get use to however it's so frequent that after a while you tend to lose your hearing in that part of the audio spectrum.

Watching the show, one of the first things that struck me as ridiculous was the fact that Lassie had to run and get someone immediately as soon as anything new happened or showed up. That's not something that was made up for TV. Collies seem to have an inborn need to let you know about everything that's going on. My new pup, Tamika (Japanese for good with people) is a perfect example of this. She once Barked incessantly until I went out into the yard. She then proceeded to lead me to the fence. On the other side, a balloon had drifted into the side yard from some kids birthday party. She wouldn't relax until I went out the gate an brought the damn thing in to show her. At the time I took it for an isolated incident. OH how foolish we mortals be…..

The next thing that struck me, even as a child, was how silly it seemed that something as cute and cuddly as a Collie could run to little Timmy's rescue and drive off a Wolf or whatever the villain was that week. Over the years Lassie in her various incarnations has faced at least of every dangerous animal on earth. Now you have to understand that I work with wolves and wolfdogs and have for many years. A Collie is after all just about the least frightening looking dog in the entire canine world. Once again I learned just how easily reality can disrupt our pre-conceived ideas. Now while her methods may differ from Lassie's, I've watched Tamika, who by the way is a bit on the small side for a Collie, back off a bewildering array of dog breeds who, at one time, I was convinced would snap her in half like a dry twig. Eventually my wife and I discovered the secret behind her strange ability. I've worked with a few dogs over the years that were faster than Tamika but none that were quicker. Her snapping jaws sound like a machine gun and she always goes for the eyes. It seems that even the toughest dog breeds on earth have a fear of being blinded.

Now I know for a fact that ALL of you had a tolerant smile on your faces when Timmy use to get himself into one fix or another and then cry out in his cute little boy voice… “Help me Lassie. go find Dad.” I use to smile like that too. I continued to do so until the day I jokingly asked Tamika to go find Tory, My 13 year old daughter. You have no idea how much of a shock it is to your set view of the world to make a joke like that while working on the sink only to hear.. ”Yes dad?” a few moments later. Granted, Tamika still wont bring me the TV remote but then from the look on her face she's just accusing me of being lazy.

Would you like to know what the real lies are in Lassie? And no, I'm not talking about the fact that she was really a male. That has nothing at all to do with intelligence or even train ability. It stems from the fact that male Collies are larger and more impressive looking than females who lose their coats when they go into heat, sorry ladies but it's true. No. The lies I'm referring to are two huge glaring ones that no Non-Collie owning person would ever consider. The first is the fact that if any of these people really ever shared their lives with a Collie there is NO WAY it would take them 10 minutes to figure out what Lassie wanted. How many damn times did you hear mom or dad say the same line…”What is it girl? Do you want me to follow you?” of course she does!! Get off your fat butt and go…

The last, and of course most, glaring lie in the lassie shows and movies is one only a true collie lover could ever understand. That's the lie about Lassies long flowing perfect coat. How many times have we all watched America's sweetheart dancing over tall fields of wheat or swimming the lake on her way to rescue her beloved master from rising flood waters. Fighting off rampaging lions or braving a forest fire to save a lost fawn was all in a days work. All of this I've learned to accept as not only possible but probable. But a perfect untangled clean coat at all times? Come on people…. It's only a TV show after all..

Sam Wolf