Grief is something common to all mankind. It is the process of dealing with loss and death and can be a life-changing event. When a human dies, the process is recognized by a period of mourning, a funeral, sympathy cards and flowers. When a pet dies, the owner is supposed to get over it and carry on as normal. For those who were deeply attached to their pet, this can make the process even harder.
How to Cope with the Loss of a Pet
First of all, recognize that you are not alone. There are millions of people in the world that adore their animals and this can be a positive thing. Grief follows a natural process and you may find yourself navigating the following stages.
Shock
Death through accident and injury will cause greater shock than the death of an animal that has been sick. Typical manifestations include tightness in the throat, muscular weakness and a feeling of great emptiness.
Numbness
Shock is often followed by numbness. It is as though the blow was so severe that it knocked out all emotion. Numbness is characterized by feeling anesthetized, a lack of reality and emotion and the inability to think clearly.
Denial
It takes time to process and absorb a loss and people often "hear" their pets and may turn to speak to them before realizing that they are no longer there.
Guilt
As numbness and denial dissipate, a feeling of guilt often takes their place. This takes many forms. "Did I spend enough time with him? Did I take her to the best vet? Is it wrong to throw away his toys?" The majority of this is unfounded and should be recognized as such.
Release
Although tears will have been shed through each stage, release marks the acceptance of the loss and the final reality of dealing with death. It often manifests as floods of tears that seem to erupt from deep within. These tears need to be expressed and often lead to a feeling of inner peace and calm.
Memories
The memory stage can take months to work through. It has been said that when someone dies, you lose them in stages. So many things are a reminder of your pet; a hole in the garden, a chewed mat, fur on the carpet. Each can trigger fresh grief and this is normal and to be expected. Try to embrace each memory and remember the good times.
Learn to Live Again
Grieving is a process and the reality of life after loss will be different. It is important to take deliberate steps towards building a new reality. Consider a new animal, visit new places and create new memories while not neglecting the old.
Dos
- Do feel free to keep a box of your animal's possessions - his toys, coat, an old bone, a clipping of his fur
- Do set up a cross or memorial in your garden
- Do take time off work to grieve
- Do get another pet when you are ready to and not before
- Do have a favorite photo enlarged and framed
Don'ts
- Don't feel foolish or ashamed of your feelings
- Don't allow people to brush off the depth of your sorrow
- Don't dwell on your loss but remember the good times
Grief is a process and although the above stages are typical, they may occur in a different order and some may be visited several times. The important thing is to understand that it is a process and that each day brings new opportunities and healing. Understanding grief is part of that healing.
