Debt collectors are not real people. They are miserable hollow shells who sold their humanity to become minimum wage phone thugs. Now, like zombies, debt collectors call you incessantly with threats, harassments, and heavy-handedness.
If you haven't figured it out yet, most of the things debt collectors will tell you are lies. And it is almost impossible to stop debt collection calls without actually paying these zobmies. Still, you shouldn't feel bad about fighting back; don't feel bad about doing some harassing and threatening of your own the next time you received debt collector calls.
Here are five awesome things to say to debt collectors. They probably won't stop debt collection calls, but you'll probably feel a little better about yourself for flipping the script on debt collectors.
1. “No, you owe me $2,000!”
Insist that the debt collector owes money to you. Childish? Yes. Innefective? Absolutely. Hilarious? Definitely. They won't know how to respond, and that means that you can at least win one battle in your war against “the man.” Ask for their personal bank information.
2. “I sent a payment this morning.”
A lot of us are already using this gem because we know that it can stop debt collection calls (at least temporarily.) Make them believe they're getting what they want and they'll leave you alone for a week or so.
3. “I can't deal with you people anymore. I've wired a bomb to my phone. The next time I receive a call from your number, it will detonate, killing me and everyone within a two mile radius.”
Force the debt collector to make a moral decision; maybe it will force some humanity back into them. Of course, the reality is that they'll know you're bluffing, but it's still a pretty good one.
4. “I've told you five times that ________ doesn't live here anymore and asked you to stop calling this number. I've recorded the last two calls and my lawyer says they'll hold up in court when I file my harassment suit against you. Could I have your name again, please?”
Put some fear into the debt collector. Again, we're using their scare tactics and legal threatening tactics against them. You're not talking to the CEO of the debt collection agency--you're talking to some young-twenties jerk at a call center. You won't stop debt collection calls, but you just might ruin somebody's day over the phone, same as they've been doing to you.
5. “Can I send you my [cat/toaster/medication/prom dress] instead? It's worth a lot of money?”
Choose an idiosyncratic item and insist that it's worth the amount of your outstanding debt. The debt collector will tell you that this item isn't an acceptable method of payment. Don't listen to them. Keep insisting that you're going to send the item. Ask for the payment address, ask if you should send the package with insurance/delivery confirmation, etc. Here's the good part: repeat the mailing address, confirm the item you plan to send, and ask for the debt collector's name. Tell them you're going to send a letter to their supervisor commending them for all of their help. Then hang up. Follow through; actually send this letter. Write about how wonderful the debt collector was to you, and how he/she worked out a payment plan that would allow you to send in your cat instead of actual money. Be sure to use the debt collector's name in your letter. (And then don't actually send them your cat.)
It's hard to take joy in a crabby situation of indebtedness. You really can't stop debt collection calls without paying, but with a little creativity and a lot of spite, you can use those dreaded calls to take some of your anger and frustration out on a a-hole debt collector.
The only thing that you could have suggested that would have made this article more ridiculous would be to tell the reader to put the phone down on the counter and yell \\\\\\\"I am not going to pay you\\\\\\\" over and over and over again like a spoiled child all the while stomping ones feet.
The debt collectors are doing their jobs, they have to sometimes be forcefull, but if they threaten or are overtly rude to the person they are calling, they are in fact breaking the law.
The only way to eliminate these types of calls is to professionally and maturely make arrangements to pay the debt. At times like these where many people may be getting collection calls this mocks their situation and is rude. It does nothing to advance the situation to a less indebtedness conclusion. Please when dealing with situations like these use a little more discretion and maturity.