As they say, desperate times call for… desperate housewives? Umm - no. Desperate times call for down and dirty dining shenanigans you normally wouldn't pull!
It's a fact that with the rising cost of food, more and more Americans are eating in - cooking meals at home to save a few bucks. If you really must eat out (food addiction, peer pressure, social situations, etc), here are some tips to keep a few more dollars in the wallet - if you don't mind pissing people off!
Order Water
If you can't drink plain water, ask for the waiter to put a couple of wedges of lemon in your glass with ye old tap water. Snake a few sugar packets when no one is looking. Voila - free lemonade! This age-old classic trick is sure to get you some dirty looks from waiters, so be careful!Your average eatery will charge $3 for a fountain drink. Factor in tax and tip on that $3 and you're close to 4 bucks.
Simple Math
It's a simple task, but when it comes down to figuring out the check, all your friends or coworkers are scratching their heads. It's a simple formula. Add up what you ate, multiply that number by 1.23. If you're at one of those places that mandate an 18% tip, multiply by 1.25. That will cover tax and tip.
Offer to Figure Out the Check
You've probably been to a meal where you ordered a salad and one of your idiot coworkers ordered a steak. When the bill comes, invariably these people want to divide the total equally so you end up spending $25 for a plate of greens. DO NOT LET THEM DO THIS. Calmly seize the check, and using the formula in tip #2 above, go down the check and tell everyone what they owe. Be precise. If someone owes $25.12, don't say 25 bucks. Chances are, people will round up and the person figuring out the check (that'd be you) gets to pocket the difference and walk away paying less - with no one the wiser.
Stiff the Waiter/Waitress on their Tip
This is a really good way to get yourself banned from your favorite restaurants. However, times are tough. If your server gave you abysmal service, leave a smaller tip - or none at all. They're usually hard working folk that are deserving of their 15-18%, but don't feel pressured to leave a tip if the service sucked out loud.
Order an Appetizer
Sometimes when you're at a birthday or work lunch, it's impolite to not order anything. Pick the cheapest appetizer on the menu and tell everyone you had a late breakfast.
Bring Your Own Wine
Most restaurants allow you to bring your own wine - provided you pay a modest uncorking fee. Still, doing so will let you dodge the markup all restaurants charge on their booze - which can be considerable if you plan on drinking only the finest. Then again, if you're drinking a $100 bottle of wine, you probably wouldn't be reading this article.
Skip Dessert
It's filling, it's fattening, and it's over priced. Most restaurants have bulk commodity-grade desserts they keep in their freezer that they heat up prior to dumping them on your table. Skipping the dessert is a good way of shaving $10 from your tab and a couple of pounds from your gut.
Hit the Buffets
If you've got friends or relatives that just like to shovel it down, take them to a buffet. You pay the same regardless of how much you eat, and the bill is easy to figure out at the end.
Fill Up Before Going Out
Eat a pre-dinner or pre-lunch. That way you'll be less tempted to order a ton of food. The restaurants persuasive aromas will be powerless on you!
Avoid High Rent Eateries
If the joint is in the middle of a ritzy locale, chances are the owners are passing the burden to you, the diner. Learn to find the hole-in-the-walls that serve good food. C'mon - how bad can a C rating be?
