If you are sat at home in dreary England, counting the cost of another commercial Christmas, you may well be thinking of making that drastic move and emigrating. It may be time to leave the country that you love but is deteriorating rapidly in front of your eyes. Does the Polish immigrant that turned up to do your plumbing have a smile on his face and does the airport seem full of contented fifty-plus suntanned prunes just coming to England for a visit. Is the news just full of horror stories about climate change, terrorism and crime? Is it a real drag to organise the kids, trudge to an unimaginative workplace and pretend you're are still living for the weekend. Trust me it is. Been there - done that. Suit, traffic jams, vandalism and graffiti, foul mouthed kids, packed shopping centres (malls for the trendy), begging for time off, hating the office colleague who progresses quicker than you and just watching your life drip away because statistically you are over half way dead already.
So look at the alternatives - lottery win, start drug dealing, become a property developer, invent the everlasting beer can? You can move somewhere better and work from home can't you - yeah right.
Is the Grass Any Greener Abroad?
No. It's just different. It's not better.
We looked at Canada, Holland, Germany, Australia and New Zealand. Canada is part French and part American, what a terrible mix. Holland and Germany, - too close to home really, even though they seem to have their countries sorted out, there was just not enough good reasons to go. Australia? - sun, beaches, skippy, crocodiles, cuddly Koalas? - try spiders, snakes, sharks, droughts on one side floods on the other and not much in the middle (apart from a big red rock). So it had to be New Zealand. Clean, green, outdoor, happy smiling people, friendly natives. Culture, wine growing, lots of sport and only a mildly strange accent.
So you check out the house prices, look at the jobs and delve into the minutiae of Immigration NZ paperwork. Do you have a degree that ticks the box, relative work experience and most of your body parts. If not, hire a specialist who talks more gibberish than the forms but soon convinces you he's a friendly uncle if you pay him a months salary.
Take my advice if you like, fill out as much as you can and go to the immigration desk at NZ House in London. Behind the counter are that rare commodity if you are trying to do anything bureaucratic these days - humans. They were so helpful - and if you can eavesdrop on some of the other dimwits that are struggling to get in you will soon realise that you have a much better chance than them. Read the immigration / emigration blogs. They are full of Mrs X and her seventeen criminal sons who just want a better life, and isn't it so unfair that they got stopped at the medical stage just because they have a dependency issue and several organs missing.
Visa's, medicals all sorted and paperwork in hand you realize there are a couple of other things you will need for your new life ... a job, and somewhere to live. If you do IT or any manner of office jobs then you are going to Auckland, just accept it. If you have a real skill you can probably look at several of the bigger towns if you want. Key tip. The scenic bits are scenic because they are not big towns. You won't find good work and a cheap house in the same place. Get ready to compromise.
House Hunting
Aren't they cheap? Yes they are. They have a life expectancy of no more than 50 years. Most have little or no ventilation or heating, rely on septic tanks and collect rainwater into storage tanks. Except Auckland obviously, because that's a modern City. Read up on leaky building syndrome and P labs before you agree to buy anything. Oh and real estate agents in NZ make the UK lot look like angels.
Jobs
Why do none of them say how much you will earn? Simple - because it is nothing compared to your UK wage and they know it. It sounds a lot of thousands when you do find out and given that the average wage for a Kiwi is about 37 grand a year, and someone is prepared to pay you over the top you may well feel important. But hold up. The job has a salary but no benefits. No car, no healthcare, no phone, no laptop, no flexi-time and promotion is based on the dead man's shoes method.
Japanese imported cars are cheap, fuel is expensive. Tyres are very expensive - mechanics are cheap. Insurance is expensive so is health care and schooling. So what will be better? - surely the working environment has to be better. Yes it is. Far more laid back and lots of talk about sport and being outdoors (if you don't mind the mosquitoes - Oh yes there are -loads of them - but the guide books don't dwell on the fact). Empty beaches, lost in the wilderness, lights out by ten and lots of sunshine (check out the actual statistics before you come - there is even more rain than the UK - and earthquakes, storms and the odd active volcano). So that's all good then.
Just before you agree to the estate agents exorbitant fees in England and google the cheapest one way air fare to Auckland (don't go via USA whatever you do - the trip is tedious enough without suffering the leaders of the free world's ideas on efficiency and security!) you should take a reality check. Look very, very closely at what it is going to cost you to live here. I'm fourteen months in, I class myself as intelligent and professional, but I'm seriously wondering if I have got my sums right.
See you soon.
