Hi...It's me, Chelsea. We need to have a discussion...Proverbial girl talk, if you will. We are all being far, far too silly. I say we; I include myself. Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy; I dispense advice and choose not to follow it. None of you seem to either. Well, no more!
I'm going to put this out here...piece by piece...and by God, we are all going to follow it. Our sanity depends on it. Our self-worth depends on it. Our ability to exist in healthy relationships depends on it. You will listen. You have to listen. We all do.
We're selling ourselves much too short my dears. We allow men far too much leverage. We give them our power. I'm not using the term power in some kind of radical-feminist/lesbian biker way, but rather as a term for our own ability to know how we deserve to be treated; and to follow it. Power is not about being stronger than someone else (in this case a man), but rather about having enough self-esteem to be able to walk away from something that is not right for us. I know I know..."right" is a relative term isn't it? What's right for me may not jive well with you. The problem is lately I've seen a disturbing trend in my normally empowered and fierce girlfriends, and my normally empowered and especially fierce self. We make excuses for men; for their atrocious behavior, for their empty words and gestures, and most of all, for their treatment of us. I'm the worst, I can take a guy that everyone else KNOWS is a total Meathead, and in my head, I can turn him into a sensitive and poignant individual who has just been hurt so darn bad that he can't emote anymore. Don't worry! I'll fix him!!!!!
The Meathead is still a Meathead. No amount of lovely nurturing from the Ole' Bleeding Heart over here is going to un-Meathead him. It's his nature...it's what he does...Want to know why? He does it because it works for him. Want to know why it works for him? Because silly little women like me think we're going to make that Boo-Boo all better. He says what I want to hear, he tears up at the appropriate moment, and he dangles the subtle promise of romantic ecstasy just over my head because he knows that when executed properly, it can take a seemingly normal and level-headed woman like myself and turn her into a blithering idiot who is so adamant this one is different that she will compromise every bit of her own integrity on the off chance she just might be that special princess who is going to turn that big bad emotionally-unavailable rebel into a sweet and attentive individual whose sole purpose in life is to worship the ground she walks on. Does she deserve that? Absolutely she deserves it. Is he going to give her that? Not on her life.
Human interaction is all about tools. We all have them in our metaphorical toolboxes. When a tool works, we keep it around. When it doesn't, we discard it. Far too many women are enabling men to use bad tools. You can't really blame them because it's a basic principle; use what works. If being a jerk and lying through your teeth works, why wouldn't you use it? We know when they're using the crap-tools. We know and we pretend we don't, or we pretend they're not, or we pretend it's just not like that. How many times have you heard yourself say that? It's not like that! It is sister, you know it and I know it. Pretending you're the exception does not make it so...and why should you be? He says he doesn't want a girlfriend right now? Forget him, he's told you how it is...go find someone who does; and while I rarely advocate looking back, take a little peek, because you can bet your butt he's sitting there dumbfounded by your lack of interest in hanging around to be available, on the off chance he comes around. It's his tool baby, he gives you that tiny hope he might change, and all the while Super stud is off getting his Mack on with a plethora of stupid women. You are not stupid. You wouldn't be reading this if you were stupid; I don't associate with stupid women...remember that.
Why should you wait around for him to figure his garbage out? I know I know....I need to learn to be more patient, because sometimes guys just need a little time to realize what they want. That's probably true too….Sometimes…However, patience certainly isn't one of my virtues, and the line between being patient and being a doormat seems to be blurring. I don't want to be a doormat, I like my hair to have lots of volume; how can I achieve that if I let someone walk on me all the time? You may not share my giant hair obsession, but there is something unique about you that you should hang onto...something totally asinine that you won't compromise. Figure it out and remind yourself of it every time you feel your resolve weakening. From now on, whenever I find myself spouting bull about some random Douche who will inevitably end up hurting me, I'm going to say to myself “Chelsea, if you want your hair to stay big, you will not fall for his nonsense." I don't know if it will work, but it will certainly beat hearing me say "It's different this time, I can just tell!!" Which actually translates into "I'm going to let him screw me around one more time, because I am masochistic, I like being miserable and apparently I'm borderline insane."
