We are called the fairer sex, but nothing is fair about the way men are treated simply because we are the women. Let's examine the evidence shall we.
Bad Hair Days
When we're having a bad hair day we can achieve instant transformation by slipping on a gorgeous hat. A cap on a woman - sporty (come on!), head bands - trendy (phwoar), dress hats - sooo classy. If a man in a hat is not a gangster, he's clearly a “that short one in the hat” kind of guy.
Muffin Tops
We can forever blame the podgy belly on having children, never mind we gave birth to the last baby 6 years ago. If we've never had children, P.M.S can always come in quite handy as the obvious cause. We all know the stick men get about being fat and lazy, or a boozer when like some of us, they are forced to carry around a podgy tum.
Beauty Creams
Us girls can use make up to improve our looks, some creams even claim to hide imperfections and fine wrinkles. (It's quite telling that the manufacturers of said creams always print they “may” work on their products) We are simply taking care of ourselves and spending time on looking good, right? So your date turns up wearing make-up? Surely he might just be taking care of himself? Taking the time to look good? No? Moving on!
Bad Moods
The female of the species is allowed to be angry, fly into a rage, or be short with other people, it is easy to blame it on PMS and even get sympathy. Nasty, bad tempered men, if they are not already Simon Cowell (who's actually likeable, honest) or Gordon Ramsey (no comment) are just plain old “Scrooge.”
Tears
How about crying? Even us naughties women are allowed to cry in public. We can get most things if we cry loud, hard and long enough for it. Everyone, even other women who play the same game, get upset and flustered, and start fanning themselves. (No matter what our age, another crying woman never fails to herald the onset of menopause). We all know what we think of men who blabber like that. (Have you ever wondered why our mid-life dilemma is merely a “pause” - from men. But the men's are a “crisis”? And not just any old crisis - a mid-life one?) No wonder some of them run around doing crazy things, I would too if a period in my life suggested to me that half of my life - obviously the better half, has already Schumachered off.
Presents
Flowers, jewellery, (j' adore) expensive gifts, oh the stuff we get presented with at any sniffle of an excuse. Men, well they get some socks on Father's day, socks on their birthday, more socks on their anniversary. Christmas makes it all better though when they receive two pairs of socks, and if they are lucky, they'll get some more for Valentine.
Money
Women - we could go shoes shopping with half of our wages and no one cares if we call our money "mine". What would you do if the man in your life says the same about his wages? While we are asking questions, why do men let us get away with it?
Weddings
Oh the beautiful wedding day! Ever notice how the bride (stunning of course) always calls it her day? After all, isn't she allowing the groom to get married to her on that day as well?
Chivalry
Men are meant give up their seats for old woman, cute women, pregnant women, sad women, tired women…
In the dating game, since it is still widely practised that the man makes the first move, (we've allowed them to keep this one) it's the man who gets turned down. It is acceptable for the woman to be as mean and as rude as she sees it fit. A woman is allowed to slap a man if he says something she doesn't like, or likes too much. Imagine the response a man would attract if he slapped a woman who made a pass at him? Even his own mates would snap his head off.
Now that we are properly into this gender equality thing, women let's stand up and fight for fairness and justice for all, even for men! I think it's only fair that we strive for everything to be truly fifty-fifty in the male-female arena.
We now demand the same pay package, (and rightfully so, we work as hard as they do if not harder). We maintain the same political influences and step out in the work force in equal numbers. (We even out-number them in some areas of work). We should now demand at all costs that we take this equality thing from the championships to the premier league.
Demand that we buy them drinks at the bar. Make certain we give up our seats in buses for them (this one will really show them!). Call a march for the eradication of the practise of letting the woman and children escape first! We are strong enough to sink with the best of them! And while we are at it, we demand equal amount of toilets as men.
What's it with the sexist pigotry (of course it not a real word) of supermarkets and shopping centers offering more women's toilets than men's. Equality we say! Don't ever tell me to go first again, just because I am a laydee, ('Little Britain' fans would understand "laydee") you go first, you, you… gentleman you.
Take a stand women, refuse all engagement rings especially diamond ones offered on bended knees. Who do they think they are? We want equality, from now on, we buy the rings. They want four carat blue rocks to show off to their mates? No probs. Our knees are as strong as theirs and bend just as easily!
And don't you even think of taking your jacket off. I maintain that we are neither cold nor amused. I knew it was February when I decided to wear my Versace jeweled sleeveless blouse. And I was fully aware when I stepped out of my flat that there was a chance of snow. I don't need your warm clothes thank-you-very-much. In fact, to show you my independence, I'll put my arm around your shoulders, your shoes must be killing. No? O.K, my shoes are killing. Brrr.
You've outdone yourself...Wonderful, and enjoyable!