If you've recently discovered that your child is meddling with recreational drugs, you're probably asking yourself why they want to do drugs, and where you went wrong as a parent.
Most teenagers aren't using restricted substances because of their parents. Many adolescent drug users come from stable, functional families. This doesn't rule out that some teens turn to drugs because they are emulating their parents or trying to escape from a difficult home life, but not all teen experimentation with narcotics is the fault of their parents.
A person's teenage years are a very self-aware time. And not only are teenagers acutely critical of themselves, but others in their circle of influence are dressed down, summed up and then emulated or ignored as a part of this extreme awareness.
A popular student will arrive at school wearing a certain style of clothing. Other teenagers will follow suit. If this same student who is adored by other members of the student body arrives at school after a weekend and claims that on Friday night he got high on this or that, other students will follow his lead.
A television hero or rock star will set a new fashion, and soon, teenagers will follow. If a teenager reads a fan magazine that talks about the star's drug use, a teenager will not understand that drugs can be so bad for a person, because their idol is doing it, and look at them, they're successful, famous and popular.
Teenage years are confusing for everyone while they are experiencing them. It is a time when a person is no longer a child, but not yet an adult. It is a time of experimenting, pushing the boundaries and discovering who you are.
Once the rules have been broken by another person, especially someone the teenager respects, they will endeavor to break a rule themselves, whether it is the same rule or not. Often it is also a game of outdoing each other by breaking a more difficult rule than someone else.
If you've discovered that your teenager is doing drugs regularly, more than a teen just experimenting, intervention is probably necessary.
Don't make a big deal out of it if you confront them, because a screaming match will just drive a teen to break the rules that you have set down for them. It will be difficult to make them understand your point of view on the topic, and some parents decide that arguing with their child is not going to be beneficial in this situation.
Do your research. Has their school been known for drug use amongst the scholars? If so, perhaps it is time to look into moving them to another school.
Is there a large amount of drug users and drug dealers in your area? Relocation is an option for some, but not all families.
Do they spend hours online, or reading magazines, hanging out in shopping malls and going to parties? Try to involve them in other social activities, especially interesting sports. Often drug use is a way to stave off boredom, and physical fitness can give them a healthy hobby.
Try to spend more time with them. Remember that your teen will probably be embarrassed to be seen in public with their parent, so try to take them somewhere that your child won't constantly on edge in case they get busted by a friend from school.
Don't try to act cool, as though you know exactly how tough this period of life is for them, because honestly, it's a different world now. Try to remain calm if they get upset for no reason, be supportive and caring without coddling them. Try to use humor to lighten heavy moods. You may find them rolling their eyes at you at first, but hang in there, because a teenager responds well to humor. Eventually.
Ask them about their passions and ambitions. If they'd like to be a fashion designer; leave fashion magazines lying around, or send them on an evening course. They may bore easily, and a few months down the line find a new passion, but keep at it. Exploring talents and career options is fulfilling for a teenager and gives them something to focus all of their raw energy on.
You may also find that by the time they have finished their school career, they will have a clear idea of what they wish to study in college.
It hurts that a child who once thought their parent was the greatest person on earth is now finding new heroes, especially if those heroes are self-destructive. If you are patient, available to listen to them and enjoy the world with them, from their point of view, they'll come to see you as not only a parent, but a person they can trust, express themselves to and look to for advice.
Teenagers who are experimenting with drugs aren't looking for a parent to yell at them, ground them and put them in their place, they're looking for a friend who approves of them just as they are, even when they don't feel popular and accepted.
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