"Zack honey, please share, if you want the toy please ask Charlie nicely for it, don't hit sweetheart. You are making Charlie cry.
You guys share, OK?"
That's what I heard at the park today. Zack was paying No more attention to his mother than an ant crawling on the ground, and
Zack was learning, if you want the toy, hit Charlie on the head and grab it. Why didn't Zack's mother say, No Zack, Do Not grab the toy. No Zack, Do Not hit Charlie on the head.
The word "No" is in short supply in the parental vocabulary Nowadays. As in "No you can't run in the restaurant." "No you can't kick the seat in front of you." "No you can't hit Charlie.
When I see these poor mothers who seem so afraid to say No, I want to say to them, Stand up and, act like a responsible mother.
When your child is doing something wrong, Stand up and say No, Don't beg, plead and act like you are the child. You are the protector, the teacher, the one person the child should look to to learn right from wrong. Do you want him to grow into a teenager who will not understand that "No you can't drink alcohol." “No you can't stay out after curfew." "No you can't drive recklessly." means No. Had you rather be his buddy and see him killed in an accident while driving and drinking? Or see him in juvenile court because he does not know there are rules that must be obeyed?
Somewhere the notion has crept in that no is a bad word for kids to hear. If you have ever spent any time with a child, you should know it is absurdly untrue, yet many parents believe it. The truth is kids are tough and resilient. No is a shining light on unacceptable behavior. Kids need to know where the boundaries are. They need to know there are boundaries. It makes them feel safe, even when they kick and scream. Every child will test your limits. Testing is a natural part of growing up, but a good parent does Not give in to it.
You are not your child's friend. Your job and responsibility as a parent is to inflict a little unhappiness. Your child won't really hate you for saying No. He will just say that he does, and he will respect you for not backing down. He will learn that as a human being there are rules of behavior that must be obeyed.
If you are uncomfortable saying no, practice makes perfect. The more you use the word, the easier it will be. One day your child will thank you (He might never tell you so). Your friends, and his will thank you, teachers,and everyone he comes in contact will thank you, and most important of all, you will know you did your best to raise a good responsible human being.
