We are living in an unprecedented culture. Men
and fathers are leaving their families, leaving behind
those who could later be a comfort and support to
them in their old age. Thousands of homes continue
to experience a "Father Exodus".
One may well ask the question, "What causes men
to abandon their families? Why is the burden for
child rearing heavily tilted in the direction of mothers?
"Is there therepy being offered to help modify this
catastrophic trend?"
One reason fathers leave is intrinsic.
Many men
feel they cannot adequately provide for their children.
Some can barely provide for themselves. Others see
fatherhood as a "mistake" they made in their lives.
They abandon the ship with no thoughts of being a
constant in the lives of their children. Loss of jobs,
drugs, incarceration, despair, dependency upon the
welfare system, all have played a dominant part in
men leaving their families.
In a sense these men have lost connection with
reality. They rest in the assumption that their responsiblity
can be capably shouldered by others-- namely the welfare
system, helping agencies, or relatives of their offspring.
So, they leave because they can.
When fathers leave, mothers must bear the brunt of
raising the children. Many mothers work two jobs to
provide for their families, with little or no child support
in view.
Other family members chip in to help, but none
can fully fill in the gap for a missing father. When fathers
leave, there is a personal resentment that mothers are
forced to carry. Often this resentment silently trickles
down to the children, who somehow take on a non-caring
attitude towards their fathers. It is as though the fathers
only exist as mere shadows.
There is little therepy being offered to help remedy the
"Father Exodus". Many abandoning fathers move on
with their lives in a sordid way. Some exist in a part-time
presence in their children's lives. At least those children
have a sense of who their fathers are, and some contact
is better than none. Fathers will not readily come forth to
ask for help, therefore the help they could have cannot
be given. Psychologists, social workers, counselors and
helping agencies cannot demand that fathers sign up
for therapy, and so the wait goes on as the children
grow up, as the mother survives on overload, and as
the fathers make little or no effort to be present in their
children's lives.
More research and therepy is now needed to seek to
help wayward fathers return to their familial responsibilities.
It may be a new wave of the future as there is just cause
for such a movement. Because the conception of children
involves two people, the mother and the father, it is only right
to have them both involved in the shaping of their children's
lives. Psychologists and psychiatrists will affirm the negative
results of not having fathers in the home. Fatheres bring to
the home qualities which cannot be precisely duplicated
by mothers. . Fathers are needed to serve as leaders,
role models, counselors, and supporters of their
their children. Their strengths and abilities are needed
to ensure more well-rounded children who can successfully
lead our nation in times to come.
