Occasionally I find myself talking to my imaginary child, telling her (usually it's a she) all the important things I've learned. I want to correct the errors my parents made, guide, teach and support my children in everything. I thought I'd list some in writing, in case I ever have one. Then I'll get to laugh at myself and my idealism.
General Rules and Ideas
Answer Questions
No matter how weird or obvious the question, answer it, unless the child is asking questions just to annoy you. And don't lie. If you don't know, or you don't want to answer, say so. Also use the phrase: "I don't know but let's find out" a lot. Always feed the hunger for knowledge at the level the child can understand.
Social Skills
Joke with them. Reduce the sensitivity to being laughed at. Joke about scary things to make them realize it is just a joke. Don't be too forceful to prevent them from telling you off - just make sure there are limits.
Language
Read stories all the time, let them read if they wish. Read poems and aphorisms, use word play.
Math with Apples
"How many do we have? How many is left on the table? How many did I take? If I put x back how many do we have?" 10 apples should be enough to develop an efficient ability to calculate without help. I've always sucked at this; I want my kid to do better. It's not that I'd suck at math, just didn't practice.
Punish with What is Important but not Vital to Them
Take away the toys, TV, Internet, freedom if needed. Don't trade with food or other things that affect their health, with which you eventually have to give in.
About Hugs, Kisses and Tenderness
The most important thing of them all. Never turn a child away when she or he needs you. Teach them physical closeness from day one, and don't stop "when they get too old." Don't stop when they push you away, but don't embarrass them in front of their friends either. Put them to bed with hugs and kisses, and tell them you wouldn't change them for anything or anyone. Be sincere when you speak, mean every word.
About Speaking
Get yourself and your child accustomed to chatting. Ask his or hers opinion on everything, and never once discard what they say without thinking it over first. If you disagree, ask them why they think that way, and debate them onto your side if you must, but always respect them as another human being, even though they were only four. If you ask for an opinion on a decision, and you decide against them, explain why you had to choose what you chose. Give in with less important things. Let them win occasionally. Choose you battles.
Tell them:
About Toys
Always respect your toys. If you cut doll's hair, it won't grow back. When you're asked what you want for Christmas or birthday, be honest, even though you had ten of them and you want more, that is fine. If you break one, you'll have to wait for the next birthday or Christmas to get a new one, or you have to earn the money to get one for yourself. If you want a toy in between Christmas and birthday, we'll have to make an arrangement so you can get one. Every holiday we take together you get one (reasonably priced) toy as a memory of the trip.
About a Second Language
Learn another language. Knowing one language fluently is a treasure, knowing two is one treasure more. For each language you learn, you open the heart of another culture. This is the only skill I will force feed onto you even if you don't want to learn, even if I wasn't married with man from different country. Everyone should know at least two languages, English being the most important one.
About School
Learn your English and your native language and mathematics (I hate to agree with mother on this one). For the rest of the subjects, concentrate most of your energy on what you find interesting, and focus on passing the ones you find uninteresting. Don't expect the teachers to teach what you want to know, because most likely they won't. When I was 9, I couldn't wait to get history started. I wanted to know about Egyptian pyramids, the pharaohs and American Indians, I wanted to hear about African history and all that was ancient. When the long waited history lesson started, we were told about what the generation of our great grand parents did when they were lived in Finland. I knew that already, and when we finally got to ancient Greece I already thought history sucked, and I would study anything but archaeology. Ask your teacher to lend you books, or ask the librarian. Watch DVD's and TV documentaries, whatever you find the most interesting to follow.
