This is a list of things I made for myself to be a better husband. As of this writing, my wife and I have been married for 943 days, x hours, and x minutes. We don't have any children yet. Note that I didn't call this article 10 Ways On How To Be A Better Husband. I'm hoping you'll help expand this list later by lending me your thoughts on the subject.
Please forgive me if you find this article bullet-riddled with clichés. Here goes:
A Bit More Trust Over Here, Please
Let her do her own thing. She's already a grown woman; she doesn't need you stalking her like a hungry Bengal tiger. If you're apart, keep in touch, but don't check on her every hour. When she arrives home late, or doesn't say a word, don't think the worst of her. Give her the benefit of the doubt. She didn't answer your call? She was riding on a cramped bus for two hours. Remember, the more you try to hold on to something, the more it will struggle to break free.
Listen! Listen! Listen!
That's why you have one mouth and two ears instead of the other way around. And make sure she knows that you are listening. You could say that you multi-task, but don't make it look like you're doing an impression of a quad-core processor by doing several things at once. Shut up, stop whatever it is you're doing, look her in the eye, listen, and make her aware that she holds top rank in your priority list.
Don't Ass-u-me
Based on experience, it really did make asses out of you both. Did she tell you not to wait for her, or did you just assume that she'd be fine on her own? Did you ask her if it was alright to invite friends over to stay the night? Did you tell her that you couldn't accompany her to dinner because your tooth ached like hell then?
No Broken Records
Call it selective amnesia: remember the good and toss away the bad memories. Put past squabbles where they belong - at least six feet under and sealed in concrete. Don't dig up old issues. There's no need to air reruns of past arguments and misunderstanding unless the two of you never really sorted these out.
Remember The Little Things
Remember those sweet nothings not so long ago when you were still starting out? Those nothings are actually BIG THINGS, like smelling her hair, telling her how especially beautiful she looks today, thanking her for that wonderful lunch she prepared, etc. And for Pete's sake, memorize these dates for starters: her birthday, your wedding anniversary, first date, and the day she said yes (uh-oh, I forgot).
Open Up
Tell her how your day went. Share interesting bits of gossip you accidentally picked up. Let her know how you've grown to appreciate her kind of shows, like those drama series from Korea. Yes, I know you're not programmed to be like that, but you're the one who wants to be a better husband, and this might lead you closer to being one.
Don't Say I Love You Too Little Or Too Often
Now this is a tough one. I don't know how you'll fare with this. You think you've said those words too often, and you feel like she's taken your spoken declaration of love for granted. But you still don't know how it'll go if you did the opposite. Do you notice some sort of role-reversal here?
Surprise Her
Pleasant surprises only, please. No shock and awe strategies. The next time you buy her flowers will actually just be the second time. Man, you're cheap. How many times have you given her presents? Give her breakfast in bed, and no, hugs and kisses are not considered food. Plan something for her birthday. Take her on a trip. You might end up surprising yourself, too.
Be More Understanding
Let the little annoyances slide. Don't blow a fuse because her favorite soap opera made you miss out on the NBA championships. Let her take her time when you're out shopping. When she acts up, it might be because it's that time of the month, or worse. If she doesn't want to engage in a conversation, that's fine. Wait till she cools down or you'll risk getting burned.
Offer To Do The Chores, And Actually Do Them
Whether she works or just stays at home, cut her some slack and pull your own weight when it comes to housework. It's not easy for her to maintain order at home, much more so when she has a day job and a husband like you.
Hold Your Horses
You're raring to go and do your part in seeding the earth and ensuring the continued survival of your species, but she might be stressed out from work, or tired from doing the laundry, or maybe you just failed to set the mood. Relax. Your time will come.
Be Proactive
Anticipate her needs and get things done before she actually needs them done. Hmmm, wasn't there a section that said not to assume? Hey, this is to show her that you're still using those brain cells once in a while and that you care. You should be able to call on your extensive knowledge gained from years of immersing yourself in her presence.
Get Her Permission To Publish This Article, And Don't Ask Her To Do A List Of Ways To Be A Better Wife, Idiot.
Ha. Got this one done. Now, let's see about the rest.
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