Two and a half year old Roy was upsetting his father. He was constantly getting into things. He was very demanding with his requests. Furthermore, he refused to listen to his father. Fourteen-year-old Bradford, most time, did what he wanted to do. He hardly ever came when his mother called him. Many times he would come home very late, breaking his curfew. Although, his father would get mad and punish him he was concerned about his son's behavior. He secretly felt his wife should handle the problem. His wife cried a lot screaming at Bradford, who only shouted back and then shut himself in his room.
Parents want to be good parents. They want to do the right thing with and for their children. Very often when encountered with the examples mention above, they feel they are beginning to have a problem with their children. Many questions come to mind. How can I be both fair and firm? How strict should I be in setting limits of behavior? How can I talk to my spouse about my concerns? How does a single parent deal with family concerns? How do I know if I am a good parent? Not only parents struggle with some behaviors of children, teachers and caregivers do also. At some point they notice that their expectations of children are not met and this can be very disappointing. The normal discipline such as grounding, time-out, taking away privileges simply does not seem to be working. At this point, it is time for a behavior modification program.
To begin with, understanding behavior is the key to discipline. According to Robert E. Valett, Ed.D., Behavior is the result of a person interacting with his environment. When a person moves, responds, performs, or “does something,” he is behaving in a special way. Thus, the environmental conditions in which the child lives greatly affects his or her life. To elaborate, parents must be aware that human behavior in general is a collection of activities performed which is directly and indirectly affected by the culture, attitudes, emotions, values, ethics, authority, and rapport of the place in which a person lives. Consequently, the geographical, physical, and psychological aspects of a child's home, school, neighborhood, and community have much to do with how a child behaves. Appropriate behavior is that which is successful in solving problems in the person's environment. Most of man's behavior is learned. What behavior is learned depends upon how the person interacts with his environment. Behavior can be changed.
Understanding five basic issues that help explain a child's inappropriate behavior is necessary in order to obtain a more effective positive change in the child's behavior.
Is this a developmental stage?
Consider the example above. Would you say that Roy and Bradford are naughty and should be spanked? Or, are they demonstrating behaviors typical of their ages? People behave differently during the ages and stages of their lives. During developmental transitions children's sense of independence emerge. As young children grow, they become more capable of learning behaviors appropriate to the more complex environmental situations or problem. Much of the children's behavior that upsets parents may be normal for their age and stage of development. Parents, teachers, and caregivers need to have realistic expectations of children's behavior. It helps greatly if they are extra patient and loving in their responses. It is best to give a child choices, use humor, and be firm but supportive. Is this an individual or temperament difference?
Not all children of the same age act the same way. Considering the many elements that affects or influences a child's behavior, this is not surprising. Temperament qualities such as shyness, ability to adapt, moodiness, etc., must me recognized. When adults learn more about their own temperament traits, they are better able to recognize whether the inappropriate behavior is hereditary or environmental. Thus, they will approach the problem accordingly. That is, seeking medical attention to biological problems, i.e. speech disorders, or behavior modification for temperamental problems.Is the environment causing the problem?
Sometimes the setting or atmosphere, or physical structure causes inappropriate behavior. For example, an overcrowded setting or lack there of may cause increase aggression or ignite jealousy. Look around the home or program setting and evaluate it in light of the child's behavior. That is, to see the environment from the point of view of the child. In such case, simply modify the environment. Create a safe and healthy environment that would positively affect the child's behavior.A child does not know something but is ready to learn.
Children behave in different ways according to the opportunity provided for learning and how they have been taught. For example, playing games, doing physical tasks or exercise, following complex directions, using language, playing musical instruments, applying math skills, and getting along with others are just a few of the many behaviors children are taught. Behaviors vary according to the limitations of the child. When a child is faced with a situation for the first time, this may be considered a limitation. He or she is willing to learn how to solve the novelty of the problem. For instance, an only child would not truly understand the concept of sharing when asked to share a toy, or work in a group. The parent and teacher would then be required to teach and explain the value of sharing. Patience and repeating the message over and over again are necessary. Children rarely learn to master a desired response on the first try.Unmet emotional needs.
Emotional needs that are not met are the most difficult behavior to interpret. The child's behavior is driven by something not easily detected and occurs regularly and frequently regardless of the issues mentioned above. In a less serious situation, the child in need of extra love and attention would be given validation and acknowledgment of his person. Continuous encouragement and recognition with praise of him or her exhibiting empathetic behavior towards others are needed. In a more serious situation, a child who exhibits behaviors of harm to him/herself or others may need professional intervention.
