A humorous take on why children are growing up so quickly right before our eyes.
Infancy
The infant stage gets old... quick!
Crawling
The crawling, putting every damn dime or penny in his mouth, the crying for no reason at all, and the obvious lack of consideration for others makes this stage just whiz on by.
Walking
Finally he walks! And he walks and he climbs and he runs and he won't stop to eat or sleep or drink water - they have to get past this stage very quickly to risk survival.
Eating
He won't eat what I cook. He won't eat what anybody cooks... except Grandma. This stage passes quickly (also for survival reasons).
Day Care
You beat yourself up for sending him to daycare... then you feel guilty when daycare is closed and you drive past it 67 times "just to check".
Kindergarten
They go away your little babies on shiny yellow busses and come home as aliens you'll meet for the first time when they're about 25.
Middle School
Between the ultimatums and the reasons behind "because I said no" this stage passes the slowest because they never really stop asking the same damn question over and over and over.
High School
You want a what? A car? My car isn't good enough? Yes I realize that next year it will have an antique tag, think of the money you'll save each year on auto insurance!
Dating?!?!
Hell NO. You cannot leave the house until after I am asleep and you make sure that you close the window so the air conditioning doesn't get out.
Marriage
You think you're in the clear? Just wait until your son/daughter's spouse comes to you with ALL OF THEIR MARRITAL problems and expects YOU to know just the thing to fix it all.
