Ultimately, the decision to spank or to refrain is at the sole discretion of the parents. Moms and Dads, you know your kids, you know what they respond to and what kind of discipline is effective. Maybe your child doesn't need much prodding to behave. Great! You may never need to spank your children; I hope this is the case! However, most children, at some point do require more than a warning and a two minute time-out. If this is the case, and you feel the situation warrants a spanking, do not feel like a bad parent, and do not let anyone tell you that you are being abusive. The previous sentence comes with a big IF, however. You are not being abusive IF:
- -you have tried other methods of discipline first, i.e. warning, redirection, and time-out.
- -you are acting calmly and rationally without anger.
- -you are not spanking hard enough to leave welts, bruises, or lasting marks.
- -you have explained the reason for the spanking.
- -you use no more than one or at the very most two quick, firm swats on the bottom.
- -you only spank in private, so as not to humiliate your child.
- -you follow the spanking with an embrace and another explanation to your child of why it occurred.
- -you use spanking sparingly, and as a last resort.
- -you never remove pants or underwear to spank your child's bare bottom, as this causes unnecessary pain and humiliation.
We all know that child abuse is real and horrifying. Sometimes parents who never meant to be abusive find themselves losing control and escalating from punishment to abuse. If you have noticed any of the following behaviors in yourself and/or your children, I urge you to get professional help immediately. Your behavior is or may become abusive IF:
- -you spank/hit as a knee jerk reaction as soon as your child acts up.
- -you spank/hit as a means of retribution for being inconvenienced.
- -your child keeps a safe distance from you when he sees you are angry or upset.
- -you spank/hit excessively and with increasing intensity.
- -your child seems withdrawn and unwilling to interact with you.
- -your child flinches or winces when you raise your hand in his general vicinity.
- -you use objects (belt, wooden spoon, switch, paddle) to spank/hit your child.
- -your child's behavior worsens, instead of improves after physical punishment.
- -your anger subsides after spanking/hitting.
- -your spanking leaves lasting marks.
- -you seek to humiliate your child into compliance.
Spanking is not for everyone and not for every situation. Other methods of discipline are effective and should certainly be used. Spanking, however, should not be dismissed out of hand. We all want to raise well behaved, well adjusted, happy children, and as their parents we know the best way to do this because we know them and we know what works for them. Remember this the next time someone asks you to hop aboard the no spanking train.
I would love to hear your feedback on this blog. I know there are several things I have not covered, so I would like to hear your questions and comments, and I will respond to them in a follow-up post so we can cover this issue in more depth. Please email me with questions and comments at themommychronicles@montanamamas.com
