It was my second time around - yet I had forgotten the important lessons I had learned about communicating with a newly situated college freshman. The lack of regular contact, combined with the concern that every parent feels when their child leaves the roost, had been gnawing at my gut. It obliterated what I already knew, but needed my older and much wiser son to remind me of: “Mom, you have to remember that everything is so new and exciting when you first go away to college.
There is always something going on... you can be busy all of the time if you want to. There is no one to tell you what to do and quite honestly, it's pretty cool to be completely in charge of yourself and your time. That's why it never seems to be convenient when you call us; it's better if we call you when we actually have some time to talk. Remember Mom, the newness wears off after awhile and then you'll feel better.
Like a child listening to a mentor, I knew that he was right. My motherly instincts had gotten the best of me. Although I missed him, I wanted my middle son to immerse himself in his new routines and surroundings. To meet new people, begin his classes, and figure out how to make sure he didn't run out of clean underwear - all on his own.
When it comes to communicating with your child, my advice is to let your child find YOU. Give them a lot of space, especially in the beginning. If they are not calling you, it means that they are happy. Try to establish a weekly calling day so that you can both look forward to at least one "real" conversation a week.
The Internet can also be a method of communicating although it can be both a blessing and a curse. It offers “instant messaging” and email as ways to access your child, but be modest in your expectations. Do not expect your child to IM (instant message) you every time she sees you on her “buddy list” and don't IM her at every sighting either. Remember that she is probably already online with seven different friends at the same time and will invariably "have to run" when it's your turn.
Email is an excellent way to send your child some information or to ask a question, just don't hold your breath for an answer. I can assure you that they will not respond to most things that you write. They simply do not operate the way that people do in an office setting.
Most importantly, remember what I had forgotten... we send our children away to college to grow; emotionally, academically, and socially. We sowed the seeds for seventeen years, now we must let them blossom on their own. As long as they let me sprinkle a little “motherly love” on them every Sunday night, I am happy.
