Defining family to many would seem like a simple task, but in actuality it is a very complicated one with many different definitions to many different people. My take on the nature of the human family is a group of people; usually related by blood or last name, that help support one another emotionally, physically, mentally, financially and who share common goals, morals and values in life. These groups of people usually share a blood line or last name, but are not restricted to it. New people can get introduced into your family through marriage, adoption, or civil unions.
Most families are defined as a nuclear/elementary, conjugal, or extended. A nuclear/elementary family consists of two adults with or without biological/adopted children/child; or two adults married without children either heterosexual or homosexual; or two adults bound by a civil union without children. This includes single parent households or homosexual households. A conjugal family would include two adults married or not, heterosexual or homosexual who have children, biological or adopted who all share the same residence. When these two adults decide to live in separate residences with new partners and/or new biological or adopted children this is now called an extended family. I believe any time there are divisions to the nuclear family an extended family occurs. This includes aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents.
As humans we are all bound to routine, tradition, habit, and hierarchy. I believe this is especially true in families. Families are much like a business; they need to be organized and set in tradition and routine in order to run efficiently. Just like in businesses there is often a hierarchy. There are the two parents then oldest child to youngest child. However, unlike a business there is no moving up the ranks; the hierarchy is set in stone once two adults introduce children into the family. You cannot go from being the youngest child to the oldest. However, one can shift the power dynamics and gender divisions within the marriage and family.
In traditional family households the male was the breadwinner while the female stayed home and took care of the house and children. As time and society changed more women decided to join the workforce and gender divisions in the household began to occur. In order for a household to run efficiently with both adults working, both adults decided they needed to split the household duties. It is common now to see the male helping out around the house, or you may find the woman being the breadwinner, or the male being the stay-at-home-dad. Children can also change the dynamics among siblings. Typically it was the oldest child who was expected to go to college, get a degree, obtain a job, and then move on to marriage and children before their younger siblings. However, today that may not be the case. Gender divisions can also occur when a child is homosexual and does not fulfill their expected heterosexual role within their family unit.
Love comes in different types and is usually in all families, but is not a prerequisite. Many people say love is unconditional and always accepting, but I disagree. If I loved someone who committed a crime or did something I deem as unacceptable, and I decide to leave that person out of my life; then I believe that love has boundaries and is conditional to terms of acceptance. People who once loved each other can find their disagreements have grown them apart and decide to go separate ways, whether it is a marriage or a parent/child relationship. Love is accepting that everyone is an individual with individual ideas, morals, values and goals. Love is accepting each others differences and accepting the notion that someone can do something you mark as unforgivable and worth taking your love away from. You may always think and care about that person, but as time goes on your love for them fades. Because of this, love is fickle and therefore creates divisions to help better define how you love different types of individuals. You can have romantic love between two heterosexual or homosexual individuals; platonic love between two friends; parental love between parent and child; and familial love between members of the same family.
I believe that before you can share your love with others you have to be able to love yourself and be able to understand what your needs and desires are, if you have not been able to meet them yourself. This does not mean that others cannot help you attain them, but it is crucial that you have an idea and basis of what they are before someone else can help you meet them. Others can definitely help make you stronger and motivate you to get your needs and desires met in ways that you could not do by yourself; but, ultimately it is up to you first. Only then can you truly help and care for others in a selfless way.
