This is a good way of introducing and communicating with your family. We have family meetings often, which are called at any given time by any family member with the exception of a one-day notice. Rules of conduct has already been discussed, and implemented by all family members. One of the rules I have lay-ed down is, They have permission to tell it as it is, with respect to whom ever it is directed at including myself as the parent. My kids have the right to tell me when I have upset them in anyway. It is then my duty as a mother to prove and demonstrate patience, love, respect, understanding, remorse, and the ability to say, "I am sorry ". The other rule is, to listen, and not try to justify anyone's complaints, or to get angry. It might seem trivial to us but not to the other person, and needs to be treated with importance. It has never to be thrown back at anyone at anytime what was said in a meeting after it has been brought up in a discussion.
It is tough sitting through a session where three people dish out criticism. We learn through this and it is a good way of helping kids verbalizes their feelings, especially when it is negative. Children feel guilty about negative reflections and feelings they might have towards the people they love. It is therefore important to make them understand that it does not mean they are bad. Family meetings are therapy sessions. They need to know it is safe to say what they need to say. One child might feel attacked (normal) hearing negative comments and would burst into tears yelling at her brother/sister and that's when I step in and gently say or describe each one's feelings that allows them to give a name to their emotions. Appropriate wording makes the situation less volatile.
I allow my kids to have their say as well as to listen by taking turns. Sometimes it is necessary to write things down, and we can always go back to that topic and address the issues. Explaining why we act and re-act a certain way when certain things are said or done is important for kids to grasp, and they do. Children learn from their surroundings, our interactions with others. They are expressive enough to mimic our behavior and most times hit the nail right on the head. Children have to feel secure enough to know they have the freedom of expression all within reason and respect. Punishing a child for verbalizing his feelings is inappropriate and will send the message that he is not worthy or worst...When a child is able to say,
"You hurt my feelings when you call me names" the other child might say something like
"I only call you names because you never help me when I ask you" This is when I would intervene and ask "How does it make you feel when he says no?"
The out come is not always positive, not straight away anyway but that is when we talk about it repeatedly. It is important that you teach children to listen, more importantly how to listen, which will also ultimately have an understanding of their own feelings as well as the next persons. It is not a quick fix but hard work and it takes time and consistency in our everyday life and vocabulary. They get the hang of things and later they feel less threatened and therefore more at ease with expressions as well as consideration for others.
I personally find one-on-one the most crucial and profound, it is at these moments where I am always amazed at the information volunteered. I leave the topic of discussion entirely up to the child and try to refrain from saying too much except, when I am asked. I prefer to listen. This is good because when they do talk they feel in control of themselves, what they say, projecting there inner self on the matter, and most importantly they feel respected. It is at this time that I see yet another great quality and can only embrace and appreciate this special ness. I say this to them and always let them know how proud I am and how much I love them.
