No words can describe the emotional earthquake I felt when I was told that my only son was Autistic.
I think my whole body went numb, and I felt like I was inside of a deep vacuum and the person was not talking to me. He of course was a beautiful son. His bright eyes looking at me as if he had found a old friend. I had wondered why he had stopped talking at age 2 ½. His birth was a stressful situation. I should begin at the beginning.
March 09th, 1980. This was a cesarean birth. I felt that I had been pregnant forever. My feet had swollen three times there normal size, and I wear a 7 ½ size shoe(women). I could not take another day of carrying this huge package called a baby. I was young, 22. I wanted to have this baby and get on with my life. Impatience taught me I had to take another look at my life. There I was alone in the hospital.
Family and friends no where to be found. Even his father was not available at the exact time of birth.
He and I were in a torrid high school sweet heart romance. I thought the bliss would never end. Well,
It did. Reggie was born at 5:15pm. 8lbs 2 oz.
I was proud. I was afraid. I had a out of body experience. The anesthesiologist placed the gas mask over my face, and I felt as if I was suffocating. I felt them run a tubing down my throat, and suddenly I felt the searing pain of a incision. I screamed! I began to see pictures of my childhood as if someone was showing me a slide show of my life, from beginning to end. Then I could hear myself asking “What about my son?” I was not ready to give up the ghost. I began to feel as if I was flying. I could look straight ahead of me, and in the distance I could see a great light shining as the moon would shine over the water at night. I was floating as if I had no body, and my spirit was absolutely blissful. I felt no pain, I felt no sorrow, and before me I could see what appeared to be a great crowd of people, I could not identify them because I could not look to my left or right. Only forward. I then saw them standing in front of me as I soared toward them, then they parted to allow me to soar through them. I went plunging into the great light in front of me. Then all was black.
When I regained consciousness, my nurse was leaning over me with a bright red wet face. She had been crying. A lot. No one said anything, and I could see my son lying naked in a incubator. He had his hand over his face. He had not been wrapped and I did not understand, but I was too groggy to ask questions. I wanted to but my body felt as if I had become as heavy as bricks. I had to turn over and
They took the baby and I did not see him for three days. I was deeply saddened by this. No doctor would offer an explanation. I could hear all of the babies crying in the nursery and of course I just knew that I could distinguish his cry above all others.
I was bed ridden. I could barely turn over. On the fourth day, I was told that I could get up and move around. I was angry because I wanted to feed my son. When I was able to hold him, he would not nurse.
I was young. I figured if he did not want to nurse, then we would of course just use the bottle. Now mind you impatience taught me to stop and reflect. When I brought this baby home. I realized that I really did not know him, and he did not know me. It was impossible to sleep with out him, because if he could not lay on my breast he would cry until I picked him up. The strange thing was that his cry was not normal to me. His cry was a shrill. I remember him crying in the hospital and the nurse came into the room and asked me what had I done to the baby. I of course said nothing. He had just had a bowel movement.
The baby cried and slept for only three to four hours at a time. I could not believe that I was not getting any sleep. I accepted that as a mother this may occur.
When he turned 6 months he was your normal happy baby. He laughed, he cooed. He walked at 10 months. When he turned 1 years old, he would ask for what he wanted . Then at age two he was ta;king in one word sentences. I was shocked, when one day he stopped all together. His development physically was normal. However he suffered from sever asthma. He was diagnosed at Siegal Institute
As being Autistic. This is when our story begins.
