From the moment a child is conceived, both parents have a choice to take responsibility or not. If parents choose to take care of the child, they are taking an oath for life, promising to love, support, and protect the child, in any circumstance and through every age. That is the job description of a parent.
Since there is no instruction manual that comes with the job, parents are left to learn as they go, which can be more difficult for some than for others. Some tend to enter into parenthood with a glamorous vision of how life will be, without any consideration of the unexpected.
What happens when one parent suddenly backs out of the deal? Perhaps raising a child isn't as glamorous as was expected, or maybe the parents are divorcing. The realm of parenthood has then changed, and each parent must do it separately instead of together, as planned. The child is put on a regular schedule of divided time between both parents until one day, one parent fails to show up for the visitation. The disappointed child is pummeling the other parent with questions that there are no acceptable answers to. The same scenario repeats itself in the following scheduled visitations, and suddenly, child support payments cease as well.
The neglecting parent seems to have no valid excuse, and so it becomes the responsibility of the remaining parent to console the child and offer an explanation without making the absent parent appear unloving, all while inventing new ways to be the sole financial support of the household. Clearly, this was not how the planned family was supposed to work, yet it has become the situation at hand. The neglecting parent has stepped completely out of the family unit, and the question becomes “is that parent a deadbeat?”
Most would probably be quick to answer yes, and if that is the case, what is the next step for the parent who remains, the one who has kept the oath to love, support, and protect the child? The state government offers assistance through their Child Support Enforcement Agency, which promises to recover the monthly child support owed by automatically deducting it from that parent's paycheck. However, the neglecting parent has since quit his/her career for a “cash” job, getting paid “under the table” so that the child support cannot be deducted from their weekly pay.
This is an obvious obstacle that leaves only the option of deducting the owed child support from the neglecting parent's annual tax refund. It is soon discovered that because the “deadbeat” parent was paid cash only on the job, there were no taxes being deducted each week, thereby leaving none to be refunded. Once again, the responsible parent is left holding the bag. It seems the only option left is for both parents to return to court.
Before the Judge, and under oath, the neglecting parent claims unemployment because, obviously, there is no record of any pay that can be tracked. The parent further states that because of lack of employment, he/she cannot supply medical insurance benefits for the child either. This leaves one parent with the task of taking sole responsibility while the other happily takes none, without much consequence, other than being reprimanded by the Judge and commanded to quickly find a job in order to resume the current child support amount, as well as the back child support amount owed.
The neglecting parent then finds the audacity to insist that the child is being kept from him/her, hence the lack of child support. The Judge declares that child support and visitation are two separate entities, one having very little to do with the other. In a nutshell, the “deadbeat” parent is not forced to take responsibility but is still able to reap the benefits, all while leaving the other parent to handle it all. This is certainly not the vision of family that was expected upon conception of the child.
Unfortunately, scenarios like this one happen every day, all around our country. Too many parents are being enabled to evade their duties when it comes to raising a child. Many cases like this one are carried on for years, even until the child is eighteen years old, at which point child support payments are no longer required.
Is it the “deadbeat” parent's fault, or is it the fault of our government for making it too easy? What can be done about it? There are no easy answers, but for the future and happiness of our children, isn't it worth the fight?
