When you are a parent, you are faced with the day to day decision of when to allow your child some freedom in making a choice, and when to make the decision for them. Every parent would probably agree with me that there are times when this is feasible and there are times when this is not. The age of the child, what the decision is about, and what time of day will all play a factor in allowing the child to make a decision.
When my daughter was around two years-old, could understand a few words, and knew what toys were, I started to let her pick out her own in the store, for instance, I'd ask her which color bear she wanted from the two bears I'd hold up to her. She'd point to the one she wanted and would usually say the color. This of course accomplished more than one thing, first, it helped her with the reenforcement of her colors, and two it started her on the long journey of being able to make decisions for herself.
I tried to start out very small with her because I wanted to make sure that she had fun making her own decisions. I also wanted her to learn that once a decision was made, it should be carried out, like deciding on a color, and then sticking to that color. Yes, it's a bear and it's not really a decision that will make or break her morally, but it's a decision that was made and that was the goal I wanted to achieve with her at that time.
As my daughter got older, I moved unto other decisions like the outfit she wanted to wear for the day or what she wanted for lunch. But I chose when to ask her and also when to make the decisions for her, carefully. After all, a toddler isn't going to care that it's twenty degrees outside if she wants to wear her sandals and bathing suit for the day. But, of course, we as the parent, would, if we have to take our child out in it for school or what have you. This is when I'd try to steer her into the direction of jeans and a turtle neck with nice warm boots. The art of parenting is key here if you want to make it to school on time. And my reasoning would win out over the want she had.
This won't of course happen every time if you have a strong-willed child like mine. I remember having to cancel an appointment or two because my daughter was adamant on wearing a sun dress in the middle of winter. She was five at the time, and quite surprised at the fact that plans can be broken just as easily as they can be made. When she realized that I wasn't kidding and we wouldn't see Grandma that day because she was dressed inappropriately, she stopped being her strong-willed self, and put on some pants.
My daughter will be seven soon, and is already into the glamour of being a girl. She likes clothes, makeup, and dressing up. I admit that this is where it can get difficult for a parent to allow a child to make a decision as far as what to wear. After all, she's only a little girl who shouldn't know who Brittney Spears is yet, but again, part of being a parent is getting your child (and yourself) ready to let them go out into the big world.
But...okay I admit it! I cheat sometimes and steer my daughter into making some small decisions just like I did with the bear when she was two. I don't show her the short shorts or the mini skirts on the racks as part of her "choices" to make. And the reason why? Some decisions have to be made by us parents, because our children just don't have enough experience with other children or adults, to know what can happen to them. And they shouldn't because, I believe, that being able to be an innocent child is the best gift we can give them as their parents. If they are allowed to be the child, and learn through safe experiences, I believe they will learn to become well-adjusted adults. And I think that is a great benefit to giving a child a choice.
