When I was a young man my parents had no idea of some of the things the things I got up to; had they known the half of what I did with my peers they would have been grey before they were thirty.
It was not for the lack of communication however because my parents were very strict when it came to meal times; Insisting that we all ate as a family without ay distractions other than conversation.
Another thing they encouraged among us was honesty and forgiveness; call it a bribe if you will but punishment was forgotten for any “crime” committed against the family as long as a confession was forthcoming before the revelation.
To this end a truce was reached between what we were allowed and encouraged to do whilst anything we were not allowed to do (such as drinking underage) could be tolerated, within reason.
This is not to say that we as children took advantage of the situation, indeed though I stated earlier that my parents could have turned prematurely grey, had they knowledge of some of the things our friends got up to they would have resigned from childcare.
It was a fact of life that a mutual trust existed between us and we as young ones could talk about anything without fear of being talked down to as we were treat as equals when it came to conversation.
Most parents of today's teens have only themselves to blame for trouble and turmoil within the family because of their dictatorial stance when it comes to what they are allowed to talk about.
Realising that their children are young people and individuals rather than a nuisance is the main tip for communicating with ones own children.
Most who have children will find it far easier to talk to their Childs friends rather than their own. To talk to your own you must try and imagine them as another parent's offspring. (Not an easy thing to do)
Learning what it is they are “ in to “ is not the way to do it unless of course you have a genuine liking for rap music or Goth culture as trying to fit in will only alienate rather than enhance communication.
Of course one should try to acknowledge what it is that fascinates children / teens on a daily basis but dressing like them is akin to an old English saying “mutton dressed as lamb” it does not work.
Start from an early age by all means talking about how they have done at school or if any interesting things have happened to them but beware the trap of asking then not listening for this is another thing guaranteed to turn youths away from communicating, they need to know that when they talk you are listening and giving credence to what it is they are saying and not just a case of listening because there is nothing else to do.
I would not advocate falling into the trap of agreeing that everything a child says has as much kudos as an adult within the house hold; but listening and explaining why something they ask / request is not allowed or sanctioned is a better way than just saying NO.
So in summary I would suggest the best way to communicate with teens / children is to treat them as equals and give them the kind of respect you would like them to give you for by giving so shall we receive.
