It's a familiar sight. A harassed young mother, pushing a heavily-loaded trolley or weighed down with bags, snaps angrily at her troublesome offspring. It seems inevitable that the rebukes will soon become physical - and they do. Not surprisingly, the worse the abuse - and what else can it be called? - the worse the child's behavior becomes.
Scenes like this are heartbreaking to see, but are, sadly, all too common. Children have a low boredom threshold, which means their minds need occupying for much of the time. At home they have toys, games, books, the telly, or each other. When out with Mum, however, these diversions are not available - try telling an awkward child he mustn't touch those tempting goodies on the shelves and the reaction is predictable.
It doesn't have to be this way. There are some who feel the answer lies in more creche facilities. Others believe it is preferable to keep parents and children together as much as possible during the early years. It's much easier to keep a child happy than many people realize, and you can do it without any toys or other paraphernalia. All you have to do is talk. Any subject will do - most parents complain occasionally that their children never shut up! To avoid being reduced to a nervous wreck, it's only necessary to steer the conversation along lines that suit you without the child becoming out of its depth.
Subjects to discuss can include everything under the sun. A dull bus journey can be brightened by pointing out the falling leaves - or the buds on the trees - which may start a lively dialogue about the seasons and the way nature brings about changes, many of which will be well within the child's experience. Even something as mundane as the pattern of bricks in a wall is sure to interest most children who own a Lego set.
Many parents find shopping a dreary chore. Having to take the kids can turn it into a nightmare. But a little preparation can make even a trip to the supermarket on a Saturday morning more like fun. If a child is made to feel involved, he or she is sure to be more co-operative. Give them their own shopping list, just a few easily recognizable items - with a little picture of each item alongside the word. The "kiddy shopping kit" can be completed with a small notepad and crayon, which most junior shoppers will enjoy scribbling with. You never know - your offspring may prove to be a budding artist!
Furthermore, you don't need the I.Q. of a MENSA member or the general knowledge of a Mastermind winner to hold what, to a child, is a highly stimulating conversation. It isn't difficult to talk at length on a subject about which you know virtually nothing (listen to any politician!) Most children love to speculate; phrases like "I wonder how that"s done?' or "Perhaps it"s like this...' will keep the ball rolling.
There are, of course, situations where you cannot give a child your undivided attention, such as when talking to another adult. Few children will remain quiet for long when forced to wait for Mum (or Dad!) to finish an apparently endless conversation. The trick is to include them in the chat at intervals, by deliberately including points which they can understand and may concern them.
Naturally, organizations with children's well-being in mind keenly support the idea of full communication. The NSPCC recommends giving a child a special "talking time", possibly during the evening meal or other times when several members of the family are together. T.V. need not be a barrier - if parents watch their kids' favorite program with them they have a ready-made topic for discussion afterwards.
It's often said that children today grow up too quickly. They can, however, be treated as adults in many ways, without patronizing them or denying their right to a childhood. Perhaps it all comes down to simple courtesy - you wouldn't exclude an adult member of the family from a conversation, so why do so with a child?
