Teens are great. They are becoming adults and exploring the world. They are going through many changes both physically and mentally. They often are driven by over-active hormones that they don't understand. As a parent of teens I will share some experiences in this series of articles that I have found helpful to make these exciting years a positive experience and not a battle ground.
In part one of this series I considered music and the way this can unite us with the teenagers in our family or it can divide us from them. There are simple ways to make music a positive experience for us all. In the second article I looked at alcohol. This third article looks at motivating kids for success at school or college. Our attitudes as parents can make a big difference.
Individuals
First of all every youngster is different. We have to identify how our teenagers learn and then adopt strategies to encourage them. Good teachers may do this anyway by varying the way they operate with different children in class. There are however some generalized hints for motivating kids and there is general agreement on what does not work.
How to help
The first thing is to show an interest in what they are doing. Encourage them. It seems simple but hey this is not rocket science. You can build on this by offering specific ways to succeed. Remember to focus on their strengths and recognize the potential that they have. It is important to share responsibilities with them and to be firm but fair. To achieve this it is necessary to agree a few positive rules and thus set clear basic boundaries. Of course this will not be set in stone for ever so be open to re-negotiation. And the final and most important hint is to do activities together. I do not understand much of my daughters math but I will help her do Internet searches to find someone on a site somewhere who can help!
Unhelpful behavior
The following behaviors have been found by psychologists to be unhelpful in motivating young people. If you are disinterested in their work and progress perhaps to the extreme of deliberately ignoring them their work will suffer.. When they don't do as well as hoped - and no kid is a genius all the time - do you show your anger and even start an argument with them? Do you provoke them or overdo the threats of what will happen if they don't succeed. It is also not helpful to embarrass them or to show favoritism. They will be less motivated if you always insist on your own opinion. Instead of encouraging them to aspire to greatness you can limit their expectations. And the last negative attitude which de-motivates teenagers is if you are inconsistent in your approach to them and their work.
It is Important
Progress through the education system in the teenage years is crucial for setting the tone of a persons whole life. There is a great deal of pressure on youngsters today with exam results counting for so much. Anything that we can do as parents to help our kids succeed and reach their full potential is worth doing.
