In a busy world it is often difficult to give children large amounts of high quality time and attention. You may be a parent in a family where both parents go out to work, or you may be a single parent raising one or more children on your own. Perhaps you are a parent who doesn't work, but still finds it difficult to find time for the kind of detailed input your child needs.
A few things are certain: time flies, childhood ends very swiftly, and we don't have a second chance. There's a tough world waiting out there for today's children, so here are a few ideas to help you boost your child's confidence, simply and easily every day, and hopefully prepare him better for the challenges that lie ahead.
(The suggestions below apply to boys and girls alike, and the use of "him" and "her" has been alternated).
Hugs And Kisses
If you don't already, at least kiss your child good morning and give her a hug. Kiss and hug her when she comes home from school and kiss and hug her before she goes to bed. At least. In a busy day, these actions speak louder than words. It's very easy to start this habit early with your babies and toddlers, but sometimes difficult to keep it going, or start it up again if it has lapsed, as they grow older. This is especially true where teenagers, boys particularly, are concerned. If you have fallen out of the habit of giving your teenage boys a hug, start again. Insist if they object, but respect their wishes not to be hugged and kissed outside the school gates. Don't make a big thing out of it. If they want to know why you have to do this, explain that it's because you love them, and, again, actions often speak louder than words. And they will know this is true when they need comfort during a tough period.
Touch And Eye Contact
A good piece of advice is this. During times when you are really busy and feel a little out of touch with your child, take her by the arm and while you are touching her, make eye contact. Just for about 5 seconds. This is an amazing way to stay closely connected, especially when quality time is short. It's a stop-gap, though, and loses its impact after 2 days or so, so be sure to follow up with some undivided attention as soon as you have a little time.
Time To Listen
Sometimes it seems like kids just complain and argue all day about each other, and about their parents. Parents who are too strict, little brothers who won't stay out of big sister's room, sharing TV time, sharing toys, using the bathroom, ganging up. It will probably really help if you can set aside a time during the week, where the whole family can sit down together without other distractions and discuss these issues. Not every problem will be solved but you will be surprised how many compromises can be reached, even with younger children. Keep the discussions family-focussed, and try not to take sides on these occasions. It is the parents' unenviable task to be fair and see all points of view. Remember, you are trying to resolve issues for your children, and hopefully gain a little peace and quiet in the process.
Know Their Friends
It's important to know your children's friends from an early age. Encourage them to bring the nice ones home and show an interest in them. With teenagers, having everyone over at your place can be chaotic, not to mention messy, but at least you know where your kids are and who they are with. It gives you the advantage of a tiny bit of control, but be sure to lay down a few reasonable rules early on . Try not to be affected by who your own parents would have approved of, or who they would not have accepted. It can be difficult, but the world is a different place now.
Take Sides
If an issue arises outside the family and your child feels insecure or threatened, take her side. For example, if a situation arises at school about which your child is unhappy, try to get the message across that you share her problem, and that you'll try to fix it together. Take the issue up discreetly, with parents whose children attend the same class as your child. If no light is thrown on the matter, approach the school. Again, do it discreetly, because children generally feel better about themselves if they can fight their own battles, even if they need a little help from time to time. Try to remember this, but stick up for your child as well. No-one else is going to.
