If asked you will always say “Yes, I love my brother/sister.” And it is not a lie but sometimes you just think how life would be without them. Did they make you a better person? Did your parents treated you equally?
If you type in google „sibling pychology” the first three results treat about rivalry between the siblings. Of course, on may ask “why would anyone with perfect relationship with their brothers and sisters try to research the subject? It proves nothing”. Yet, as soon as you start reading these pages you realize how large-scale the problem actually is. According to Jane Mersky Leder from Psychology Today even one-third of adults describe their relationship with siblings as rivalrous or distant. Many of them cut all the contacts as they cannot learn how to at least coexist with each other.
Understandably, the biggest influence on the relations between the siblings has the family life. According to Freud they compete for parental love and attention. This is probably true for most cases. However, are parents really at fault or is it our oversensitivity? What can be worse, when they put too much hope in you or too little? If they expect from you great successes or nothing? It seems that nothing that parents do will ever be seen as the right thing. At least by their children.
This is where the problems begins as you start to feel insecure in your most natural environment - home. It is normal that when you leave it the insecurities follow you to the outside world and it is no longer about parents' love but about peers, education, work, spouses. Even if you think that your sibling is your best friend there is always this nagging need to be better in at least one thing.
Yet, is the rivalry in moderate amounts really that bad for the relationship between siblings? After all it motivates you to try harder, inspire you to become better. It certainly can be helpful as long as one does not try to overpass ones own boundaries and get hurt in the process, both physically and mentally. As when it happens maintaining close relationship with one another becomes too difficult.
Why again is it worth trying to be on good terms with your siblings? As long as all of the sides put at least minimal effort in it you can be sure that they are people you can count on. No matter what, you are a family. You spent so many years together, you know each other very well. So maybe you should always think before you speak and do not let hasty emotions dictate your actions. After all relationship between siblings requires as much work as any other does.
My personal list of reasons: Why should I try hard to be friend with my sister?:
- No matter what she is there to console me. (I hope she can say the same thing abut me.).
- If I am wrong she is not afraid to point it out. (Constructive criticism is so hard to obtain.).
- She is my best shopping buddy. (Even if we have different tastes.).
- She loves everything I cook. (Really helps my self-esteem.).
- We can bicker about books and music and art for hours! (And we do not have to reach consensus - we can accept our differences.)
