If you are a parent you will understand how difficult and even a little frightening it is thinking about having a "sex talk" with your child. It is a feeling that only parents feel, although I know that the child also goes through a very uncomfortable feeling while anticipating the talk as well as a very embarrassed feeling during the actual conversation. I have decided to put a new idea out there on ways to help your child/children understand the dangers of sex without having the sex talk.
There are, as always, going to be many opinions on how this can be done, however coming from a 21 year old who has went through the "sex talk" with her parents and ending up pregnant at 16, I would like to share with you what I would have liked my parents to do for me. I think if they would have taken this approach my life would have turned out a little differently in more aspects than me ending up pregnant at 16!
In today's society there are a lot of different ways children/teenagers are exposed to adult matters that they should not really see/hear/read. I think that society in general has become very tolerant to what is being shown in/on television/magazines. I would like to point out that, whether it's conciously or subconsciously, we are very affected by what we watch/see/read/hear. I know that there are a lot of people who do not believe this, but take this for example; There are two children both 10 years old, one of whom rarely watches television, is homeschooled, and reads only books that her parents choose for her or approve of, the other whose parents allow almost anything in the home, this child's parents care very much for their child and try to watch their language, however she is allowed to watch/read/listen to anything she wants. If you were to ask the first child what the "F" word meant she probably wouldn't have any idea because she has not been exposed to harsh language, however if you were to ask the second child she would be able to tell you the exact meaning for the word plus six more words meaning the same thing. If you continue to ask the same child where she learned something like this she would probably reply television/magazine/radio. This is only an example of how outside media DOES affect your family.
My suggestion and the way I wish that my parents would have handled the "sex talk" is this: I wish that my parents would have been more involved with my life. This does not mean that I want them to be at EVERY cheerleading event, basketball game, volleyball game, etc. I just wish that they would have made it a point to be some part of my life. There really is no need for a parent to sit down with their child and explain what sex is, in fact children shouldn't know what sex is, not even teenagers! Some say that because they are so curious due to the fact that you did not explain to them what it is they may go out and experiment to find out, this is not true! I know from experience! Before I knew what sex was I did not want to go perform this act, in fact instead of being curious I was quite frightened. If your children aren't exposed to sex, drugs, alcohol, they probably won't have the urges to go do those things. They will most likely be scared of those things! In fact my best friend's mom never had a "sex talk" with her, she is very much still frightened of sex and has chosen to wait until she's married so that the first person that she is with will be the man that she loves and trusts. Isn't this what all parents want for their children, for them to wait until they are married, to save them the hurt that comes from having sex at an early age?
So to sum it all up try to keep what stimulates your child under control. Do not let them watch something just because it says PG or PG13 because in today's standards they allow cussing and mild nudity/sex humor in PG movies. Don't allow them to read whatever they want or listen to whatever they want just because that's the new "thing"! So what if they aren't allowed to be like everyone else, don't you want your child to be unique! Make sure that you are being a positive role model as well! Do not just talk the talk, make sure to walk the walk as well or your child will think that you are a hipocrite and lose all respect for you.
Children are not supposed to know that there are bad things in the world before they are ready to know those bad things! Don't allow someone else to teach your children about those things until you are ready and they are mature enough to understand those things. There is no need for a "sex talk" if you live a life of self respect, high self-esteem, responsibility, and most importantly love!
My last thought for you is about the sex ed. class at public schools, all I will say is think about how you want your child to find out about sex! Your child does not have to take this class, you have the right to choose if your child will participate! Your child may be very angry with you for pulling her/him out, but they will thank you later on down the road.
This article is purely based on my experience and experiences of those around me.
-Paul