Calvin Coolidge once said that persistence is the most important characteristic for success. Persistence is certainly the key when dealing with a sleeping teenager. The following tips should help convert slothful hibernation into alert, if not energetic consciousness.
It is a misconception that loud noises will raise the dead. Particularly when the said, dead, is a teenager with a clock radio already playing “music” so loudly that nothing can be heard. For quick awakening, bright lights and a yank on the blankets is always a good first step. It's also a good idea to add 20 minutes to the announcements of the current time, further deluding and confusing the subject.
To reduce the number of sorties up the stairs it also helps if the kitchen is one floor below and directly beneath the sleeper's bedroom. This way coffee can be prepared while listening for the telltale creaking of the floor above - or lack thereof.
Upon the second trip up the stairs a tight grip around the ankles and a strong pull is required. This is easily done since many male subjects are over six feet tall and their feet hang off the bottom of the bed.
With the goal of getting the victim in the shower, the third trip is typically made easier with a little help fro the family dog. With 98 pounds of golden retriever on your chest, licking the sleep out of your eyes, only the most determined youth will even want to stay in bed.
Additional tactics, which are very effective, include promising their favorite breakfast to a younger sibling, but don't use this tactic too soon. If the perpetrator is not awakened slightly their competitive instincts with not kick in, nullifying the sibling ploy. Picking up the mattress and flipping it into the floor is also very effective, although it may require some help, especially with the larger model teenagers. Remember to bend with your knees.
As a last resort, threats of lost social privileges are guaranteed to work. Like any negative inducement however, this tactic will lose its potency if used too often. The old adage, “pick you battles” applies here - Don't use the big guns unless you need the.
Good luck and don't forget your coffee (or the dog.)
