Follow through
Some parents complain that they have tried counting or other methods of warning their child only to have them ignore them or wait until the very last second to comply. If your child chooses to wait until the very last second, then let them. If you are truly giving them the option to independently make a decision then they have the right to wait until the last second. Children who do this are usually testing their boundaries. They want to know if you will really let them wait that long to do what you say. Usually, if you stick with the same warn, wait, too late routine, your child will learn that you are going to be consistent and stop pushing the boundaries.
If your child completely ignores you then they have probably learned that you don't usually follow through with the punishment. When you decide that your child's behavior needs to stop, you need to commit right then to punish your child if necessary. If you usually put your child in time out, but can't do it right then for some reason, then create some other consequence, such as denying a treat or taking away the toy they are playing with. If you consistently warn, wait, and follow through, your child will eventually learn to do as you ask when you ask.
Use the right emotions
Lack of control over your emotions can sabotage the best discipline efforts. Many situations that call for disciplinary action intrinsically cause parents stress and unhappiness. Parents may find it difficult to contain their anger. However, children who are constantly on the receiving end of angry outbursts learn to be evasive. Anger backfires and children become more disobedient and disrespectful.
Anger is a secondary emotion. When you feel angry, stop and take time to identify the real emotion behind the anger then inform your children of these emotions. Genuine emotion often motivates children to change their behavior. They can much more easily understand that tracking mud on the new carpet makes you sad than that the carpet will be stained.
If you do loose your temper, make sure you go back and apologize once you've gained control of your emotions. This limits the amount of damage done and reassures your child of your love for them. Parents who regularly loose their tempers should take steps to overcome their behavior. Anger management and 12 step programs can help.
Explaining the right way
Many parents find that children don't understand or care about the reasons behind their requests and stop trying to explain. Some people even assume that children don't deserve an explanation and should obey unquestioningly. However, even when children don't understand the reasoning behind their parents' decisions, an explanation shows them that the parents aren't just arbitrarily trying to make their lives miserable. Children, like adults, want to feel respected. Explaining the reasons behind your requests shows them respect and encourages them to continue following your rules as they age and begin to understand the reasons better.
That said, parents shouldn't get bogged down in explanations and fail to actually discipline. Children will often question explanations in an attempt to procrastinate. Give a quick and simple explanation then move on. If your child refuses to accept your explanation, remind them of their time limit and make it clear that there will be no exceptions.
Be flexible and understanding
After you've done all this, you will find that there are times that no amount of discipline works. Children who normally listen but suddenly refuse to behave are probably lacking a basic necessity or experiencing pain. The usual culprits are hunger and fatigue. If you've provided for all your child's needs and she is still uncooperative, check for illness.
Two-year-olds may be teething. Be understanding during these times, but don't completely forgo discipline. Children need to learn to control themselves when they are uncomfortable as well.
One other basic need can cause chronic behavior problems: lack of attention. While children will have different personalities and go through different stages, nearly all children who are lovingly and patiently asked to obey can learn to behave most of the time. However, if children get most of their needed attention from misbehaving, they will misbehave no matter how patiently and consistently parents discipline. Parents of these children have been amazed to find how much difference setting aside as little as 15 minutes a day of one-on-one time makes. Make sure you spend time with your child every day even if you have to leave a few chores undone. In the end, spending time with your children will make much more difference in your life and theirs than making sure your house stayed spotless.
Although it is difficult, even seemingly impossible at times, to discipline your child, it is worth it. Children who have been lovingly disciplined are much more pleasant to be around. Your home will be a place where family members enjoy being. When they become adults, your children will be much more successful because they will have learned to control themselves.
Remember that the changes you make won't result in well-behaved children overnight. Usually it takes some practice on the part of the parent to implement consistent discipline practices. Then the children have to learn to obey. All that can take months or years, during which times your children's needs and challenges change. Don't give up. Every effort makes some difference and the end result is worth the effort.
