As parents, out job is to teach our children. The only way to properly teach them is to have set boundaries. Without boundaries anything goes! Have you ever sat in a restaurant and had a child sitting at the table next to you who demanded on a whim and threw a tantrum just as quickly, eventually getting what they want? That is what happens when children are not given boundaries that have rewards and consequences attached.
As adult we are aware of what we can and cannot do. What type of behavior is and is not appropriate. Things we say and things that need to be held back. We have learned over time where our boundary lines are. Just as we had to learn those lessons, so do our children. We cannot afford to raise children without boundaries. Children without boundaries are children that end up in places we do not want our children to go.
Boundaries are a great way to teach children appropriate behavior. They help to teach respect for others and self control. One of the simplest boundaries I have taught my children is to respect the yes or no answer from one parent and not to go asking the other parent. This boundary teaches them to respect the authority of the parent they asked as well as their own inner self control to not go behind one's back and ask someone else. It helps to keep them honest and avoid the deviousness we so often see in children nowadays.
I have experimented with certain areas of my children's lives and stepping back outside of the boundary lines that were once created. Education has always been a key factor for me and I have always been able to maintain my children's educational lives. However, there does come a point in time to see if they can function from previously learned boundaries on their own. A time to stop instilling the boundary and letting the knowledge they already have to take over. For instance, I completely stepped back from my sons school life. I stopped asking about homework and stopped making sure everything was complete and turned in. It was a lesson learned for both of us. He was not ready for the parental boundaries to cease but I had to alter the boundaries previously set to match his age and willingness to comply. Without the boundaries in place his grades completely slipped and his integrity and honesty came into question. We had to sit together and re-evaluate what went wrong. We both came to the conclusion that he was not ready to be that responsible for himself and needed the guidelines enforced.
Children without boundaries are being set up for failure. Life is not only a lesson taught through personal experiences, it is a lesson taught through parenting and the experiences we went through as well. We should all want more for our children than we had for ourselves. If we do not set boundaries for them and teach them right from wrong, we cannot ever expect their lives to be more than ours. Being able to be functional in society rather than a function of society should be our main goal. That can only be achieved with boundaries. If we never establish right from wrong, acceptable from not acceptable, we allow the unforeseen to be seen.
