For as long as I can remember children have been told that they can trust police officers and that if they are in trouble they can go to the police for help. That is still true today. Unfortunately in the last generation or so there are a growing number of parents who are teaching their children a different story. Parents are sending their children mixed messages about trusting the police.
During a recent lunch break in my 10 hour patrol shift I sat down in a local restaurant. I, like many of my fellow officers, chose to sit in the back or some other out of the way table. We do this for several reasons, not the least of which is that by nature people are uncomfortable sitting near police officers. I place my order with the waitress and converse with another officer who joined me. A few minutes later a woman in her mid-20's approaches our table. Not too unusual, sometimes people like to come over to say “hi” or “do you know Officer ______”, or (best of all) some just stop by to say “thanks”. Not this woman. She had a much more unsavory request of the police.
She asked if we would speak to her child over at their table. Apparently the toddler was not about to eat his dinner this day, much to mother's frustration. She wanted us to go over and “scare” him into finishing his plate. This, unfortunately, is not a new request officers have had. Any officer who has worked at least 6 months has heard something like this. Sometimes it is “can you put your handcuffs on him to scare him?” or “can you lock him up for an hour so he sees what it is like?”. When you ask what the child did wrong they say “he won't clean his room” or “he said mean things to his sister” or some other minor item that is not even criminal.
The sad thing is that this is the result of bad parenting and not bad children. The parent has tried every type of cajoling, bribing and begging to get the requested behavior out of the child, but it is not working. They have tried everything short of being a parent. Listen up folks. You need to parent your children, not be their best friend. If they are out of line discipline them or impose consequences for their behavior, and follow through with it. They won't hate you for it. You may even earn their respect.
What this mother did not realize is that by having the police man go tell her toddler to eat or he will be in trouble with the police, she is instilling a fear of police to the child. How is the child supposed to go to the police if he is in real need when he is now scared to death of us? I am sorry that your child will not eat. Maybe he is not hungry. What is to gain by force feeding him? I have learned by raising my own children that they will eat when they are hungry, and they will let you know when they are. Just because you are ready to eat does not mean they are.
Sadly the next part of the encounter with her only worsened the situation. We politely told her that we would not scare her child because we did not want to damage a child's trust of the police. This, apparently, was not acceptable to her. She begged that it was “only this one time” and she did not think it would be a bad thing. Unfortunately she did not want to hear that we have heard this dozens of times. She must have thought she was the only one to have this problem with a toddler. When it was clear we would not help her she stormed away muttering something about “what good are the police” and “I am never calling the police for help”.
I saw her return to her seat and talk (obviously angrily) with her husband. Probably saying how mad she was at us for not “helping” her, all within earshot of her toddler. So now she is teaching her children to not trust the police.
Parent your own children. You are not meant to be their best friend. You have an obligation to raise them to adulthood. Not for them to bring you down to childhood. And don't be mad at the police officer for not disciplining your child. It is not our job. If the child commits a crime we will deal with that, but even then we do not dole out punishment. That is for a judge to decide.
