A poor lady got a chicken egg along the bushes as she was on her way home after gathering firewood. Overjoyed, she called her children upon reaching home and bursted the good news. She said “You see this; this will make all our lives better. We will not eat it but instead, we will put it under our neighbor's hen to hatch. When it becomes a chick, we'll have it grow to a hen to make it lay more eggs. Soon, we will be having many chicken and eggs. But we will not eat them either. Instead we'll sell them so that we will be able to buy a calf. We will not eat the calf either. But rather we'll have it grow to a cow and no sooner, we'll have many cows to raise. After which we will sell them and we will be able to buy a farm. Soon enough, we'll have a farm with so many cows. That's what we are going to do. We'll keep on buying... selling, buying and selling..”
Such were the words of the mother full of enthusiasm. She went on speaking excitedly until accidentally she dropped the egg unto the floor…
Just recently, the influential Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) expressed alarm over the growing number of broken marriages in the country. They specially mentioned the current trend of marital break ups among actors and actresses as well as among prominent married couples in the society. A recent survey was also quoted showing the steady decline of lasting marriages. Further, they proceeded to express dismay over the apparent loss of meaning and value of the sacredness of the sacrament of marriage. They even said that is it sad for those couples having spent so much for very luxurious and extravagant weddings only to end up in sewers after living together for a year as two.
But why are these things happening?
We are sure most weddings are carefully planned and prepared for. In fact couples usually invest so much time and money for their preparations. How come that the “adrenalin euphoria of love” vanishes easily in a short period of time? Were they because of some errors in the planning? What could have happened to the commonly used phrase “perfect match” for a newly wedded couple?
Case analysis would show that, as mentioned, planning and preparations were primarily directed towards the “Ceremony of Marriage” and not to the “Living out of Marriage”. Couples give much attention to the wedding, and less to the making of their vows lasting. Commonly, they start with colorful dreams, starting from building a beautiful home perhaps, having a number of children, owning a car and living happily ever after. As if the marital state is as easy as raising chicken. On the contrary, focusing on these things and forgetting the essentials of marriage lead them to an inevitable failure.
In the first place, planning and preparation should rather be more on the spiritual and psychological aspects. It is because these two comprise the very essential parts of marriage. Material things can follow naturally, if really desired and worked for. But maintaining a relationship is something cannot be established and maintained overnight. There are so many processes and complications that must be addressed not including the challenges that naturally come to every marriage. And precisely, knowing ourselves and our partner is of utmost importance. Knowing I mean, is not only by name or even by discovering our partner's favorite food. Neither does it mean knowing our partner's stable blood pressure rate. It is much more than all these. Specifically, we have to know the personality of our prospective partner and our own personality as well.
On the other hand, reevaluation of our concept of marriage should be taken seriously first before we jump into the marital bed. Do we still believe that marriage is a perpetual commitment, or we just see it as a festive wedding ceremony? Are we fully aware of the enormous responsibility that comes along with it, or we are simply overwhelmed by the prospect of an endless honeymoon? Are we convinced that marriage calls for authentic fidelity not only to our partner and to our children but also God - the Third Party in every Christian marriage? Are we mature enough to face all its challenges?
I suggest, all these questions should be considered first, before a couple decides to marry. For if their answers will be in the negative, I believe marriage will be a very big mistake.
