Peaceful Shopping with Kids: 3 Great Tips!

Kids and shopping - some will tell you that the two just don't mix! The children will drive you crazy begging, pleading, and finally throwing tantrums to get you to buy what they want. It's better for everyone (and certainly easier and quicker) to just leave them home, right? WRONG!

With practice, children can learn to be good citizens in public places as they accompany their parents on errands. Like other behaviors, though, your teaching and the child's learning will take time and effort. Your investment now will pay huge dividends in convenience and contentment in the future. Here are some ideas to try to head off trouble at the store.

1. Do a Little Strategic Planning.

There are lots of ways to help your child along the road to acceptable public behavior by manipulating the circumstances of your outing. First of all, be sure the length of time, destination, and time of day are all considered. Don't plan shopping marathons with toddlers! If your child usually naps during the afternoon, plan a morning excursion. If your child dislikes the confinement of a stroller or hand-holding, plan your trip for times when the store is less crowded.

Be sensitive to mealtimes. Generally, the younger the child, the more careful you need to be to respect his or her usual schedule and routine. Even older children, though, have needs in this regard. Older children will be more cooperative if you respect their needs as far as possible, too. Your child may need some time on her own after school, or a calm time before he goes to bed. You can use this knowledge to set the stage for a more pleasant trip.

With planning, you can arrange your errands so that you can take breaks, as well. A trip to the mall doesn't need to be an unbroken series of trips to stores that are not interesting to your child! Plan to visit a few “boring” stores, and then plan a stop that will please your young companion, such as a quick visit to the arcade or mall playground. A few more stores, and then it will be time to head to the ice cream shop for a treat.

This sort of give and take arrangement not only will help the trip to be more pleasant for both of you, but it will also teach your child valuable lessons about how to postpone gratification and wait for the fun.

2. Communicate Your Expectations.

Your trip will go much more smoothly if you and your child have the same ideas about what will and will not happen. Make decisions ahead of time about whether you will plan to eat at a restaurant, whether you will allow purchase of toys, candy, or other treats, and how you will respond if your child behaves inappropriately. Will you allow your child time to shop? Should the child bring money? What stores are on the list to visit and is there flexibility to change the plan, or do you need to be rigid?

Communicate all of these things in advance, using matter-of-fact statements. Giving your child a short itinerary will help ensure cooperation, especially if you can include something your child enjoys late in the outing. On the other hand, giving your child choices where none truly exist (such as asking, “Do you want to go shopping now?” or “Are you ready to go?” when a negative answer will not change the plans for the trip) will only add to your troubles.

It can be difficult to decide how much of the plan to share with youngsters, since changes can upset the child. For example, if you run late at your first stop, there may not be time for that planned excursion to the playground at the end of the shopping trip. Many parents reason that, if the child is not expecting the exciting or fun parts of the outing, he or she will not be disappointed if these do not come to pass.

Also, surprises can be part of the fun. A child who is expecting to tag along on a boring series of errands will be delighted when you pull into a restaurant for a break and a snack. On the other hand, children who do not experience these sorts of disappointments do not have the chance to learn to handle them. Like any other piece of emotional development, managing the disappointment of thwarted plans takes practice. The decision will rest in your hands, but it can be a worthwhile life experience to discover that plans can change and fun things don't always work out as we would hope.

Perhaps your child will be better able to learn this lesson from dealing with occasional small disappointments instead of meeting it for the first time when something important doesn't pan out.

3. Be Firm and Consistent.

Once you have communicated your expectations to your child, stick to your guns! Each time you “give in” to a child who is throwing a tantrum, whining, or engaging in other inappropriate behavior, you set the stage for it to occur again, and soon! Have a plan for handling these situations, be sure to share it with your child, and then FOLLOW THROUGH! Will you simply end the outing when your child behaves inappropriately?

This is probably the most effective strategy, but not always possible. Can you use time out by returning to the car for a short period? Is there a treat that can be earned with appropriate behavior? Older children, usually about three years old or so, can think far enough into the future to delayed rewards or consequences that will happen after the trip. Just remember to communicate the rules, rewards, and consequences ahead of time, and be sure to follow through.

Following these tips will help you teach most children to be good citizens when they are out in public. Your child can learn to behave appropriately, handle disappointments, follow the rules and maintain decorum. Though they may seem like extra work, the rewards of consistency and planning will be well worth your energy! Shopping with your child will grow to be a pleasant outing for you, your family, and those around you in the stores.