Having Parkinson's has affected the way I parent my kids. When it comes to getting them to do household chores, I no longer have the option to say "Fine - I'll do it myself".
Maybe I could guilt them into doing their chores…
In case you are new to my ramblings, my name is Karen and I have Parkinson's Disease. Right now this disease is threatening to define me. It has already had a severe impact on my life. I had to give up a dream job working in a school library - the same school where I was a teacher for five years before I had children, and where my own children now attend school. (I had to leave after five years of teaching so that I could produce a couple of new students for the school. The administration is very grateful, but they haven't offered me a commission yet.)
Back to the topic at hand: how to get your kids to help with the housework. I have to confess: I am one of those moms who would rather do a chore myself, so that it done properly and promptly. I actually suffer anxiety attacks when I can't get the girls to do their chores on time and up to my standards. And, yes I know, I used to be a teacher - shouldn't I be an expert at getting children to do what they are told?
Well, not really. Actually, that is the main reason why I took the job as school librarian when my Munchkinette Number One started school, instead of going back to teaching. I love to teach, but unfortunately there are only a few students in each class who love to learn. And, for some reason, the administration denied my request to teach only the students who are as fascinated with French verb conjugation charts as I am. (Okay - that last sentence was slightly embellished for dramatic effect - I didn't really make that request. I did make a semi-serious request one year for a class with only girls. It was a cold winter, and the girls' bathroom was the only warm place in the building. That request was denied.)
Anyway, the point I am making here is that I can't stand having to nag, bribe or make threats in order to get my kids to do their chores. They don't like to do chores. They resemble those students at school who didn't want to make verb conjugation charts or practice long division.
And I have tried - oh yes I have tried! I have chore charts, colour-coded, with little boxes to check off what they have accomplished. I bribe them with allowances, a dollar a day for completing their chores and their homework by 5:30 (I know the parenting experts say not to do that, but I am desperate here!). I have given ultimatums - you can go to the library on Saturday if all of your homework and chores are done before the library closes. They love to go to the library (I think it's genetic), but we rarely go because the chores are not done on time.
Here's where having Parkinson's has altered the way that I parent my girls. With my persnickety personality, I can't stand living in a house that looks like a house where teenagers live. You know how they live - they claim that they can keep track of their stuff more easily if it is spread in an even layer on the floor. Apparently this layer on the floor also keeps the carpet clean, therefore eliminating the need to vacuum.
Clutter screams at me, but it barely whispers to the kids. I know that if I didn't have Parkinson's, I would be doing most of their chores for them, grumbling and muttering murderous mumblings the whole time. I am capable of doing the work, but I know (by way of too much experience!) that my body would rebel and punish me for a long time. I need to carefully balance rest and activity to get through each day.
The Bible says that God can make good things come from bad situations (Romans 8:28). He doesn't promise that bad things won't happen to His followers, but He does promise to provide a way through them. One of the good things that have come from having Parkinson's is that I can't just say “Fine! I'll do it myself!” I am not physically capable of doing the housework by myself, so this situation is forcing me to be a better parent and try to teach my children responsibility and a good work ethic. It is also adding some adventure to our dinner table. Yesterday we had a salad with grated apple, carrots, grapes, and pineapple, and it was actually quite good.
I know that I need to change my expectations and standards about the housework and let my girls do things their way (within reason). The other day on the Dr. Phil show, Robin lamented that she didn't make the time to teach her sons to cook and iron before they left home. Dr. Phil said that Robin worries about her offspring being hungry and wrinkled. I'm sure that they are fine, and mine will be too.
I just wish that the clutter would stop screaming at me.
