Help on being a better parent:
As a mother of three children, I have received a lot of (not always wanted) advice on the topic of parenting. What I can offer you is what I have learned. Take it or leave it, this seems to work in my house, but the number one thing I try to teach my children is values. Teach them to treat each other, not a siblings, but as friends. If there is one thing I know all about, it is sibling rivalry. Throughout my childhood, and part of my adult life my two older sisters and I would fight and argue over the most simple of things, more as a competition towards one another rather than trying to work together towards goals. What you do for one, always do for the others, so be careful as to what you choose for one… Growing up, my older sister had her own phone line. This was a big mistake on my parents' part; it got her into a lot of trouble. So the answer was no when my other sister was at that age and wanted a phone line of her own. They said they wouldn't make the same mistake twice. A completely different sister, and a completely different personality, but the answer was still no. I still don't agree with their decision. She should have gotten her own line out of fairness. By the time I was old enough, I got a cell phone of my own, and paid my own bill, so there was no resentment there. But my poor sister is still a little resentful from all of this. The reality of it is, don't make the younger ones pay for the older ones mistakes. This is an opportunity for the parent to learn, and be a little more careful, but still give the younger sibling a chance to learn from it as well. Odds are, the younger sibling will too learn from it, by seeing the consequences the older one had to face, and think twice before doing anything to jeopardize their opportunity.
Another piece of advice is to make the punishment fair. If the child makes the mistake of sneaking out of the house, make the punishment pretty severe, such as grounding for a month with no phone calls, no Internet and no television. Pretty much they have no connection to the outside world for an entire month. But if they don't do their chores, don't make the punishment that extreme. If they get an allowance, skip a payment. Let the time fit the crime. When it comes to smaller children, make time outs be in minutes equal to the years in age they are. For example: a 3 year old has a time out for 3 minutes. A 5 year old will have one for 5 minutes, and so on. When the child gets to about 8 years old, the punishments need to start applying to the wrong behavior. If a child doesn't do their homework, make them do an extra assignment in addition to what they missed. Have them hand in both assignments to the teacher, and the day them missed the assignment, don't let them watch television or go online for that day. It means that you are serious, but not cruel.
Only raise your voice when you need to. Raising your voice too often creates immunity of it to the child. Raising your voice is a warning for a serious offense, and should be used to stop them in their tracks. If it doesn't punishment should follow.
Reserve the right to change your mind. If you make a decision, and regret it shortly after tell them why you are changing your mind, and make other suggestions. For example, your child wants to go to the mall with friends, and you say okay, but find out that you don't like someone that will be there, explain why you don't like that person, and that they can only go if you can tag along. If that's “not fair” suggest something else to do with just the two of you that may be more fun then them going with their friends.
SOME OTHER GREAT TIPS FOR RAISING CHILDREN:
- Talk to them
- Let them talk to you
- Go on dates with them
- Eat at least one meal a day together
- Ask them about their day
- Tell them about yours
- Bring them to work with you
- Let them take off of school on their birthday (if they want to)
- Let them read to you
- Cook with them
- Make recipes together
- Don't get too mad over messes they make, and make them clean up afterward
- Smile at them when they come home from school
- Give them chores, this will teach responsibility
- Tell them you love them, everyday
- Let them help you pay bills and balance your checkbook, they will learn the value of a dollar
- Have a board game night
- Have family meetings
- Monitor their Music, TV, Internet, friends…EVERYTHING!
- Trust them until they give you a reason not to
