I always pictured myself , in my mind, as a teenager. Thats when I stopped counting time . When time froze. I felt like I was sixteen, I acted more or less like I was sixteen. When you're that young, you just know you will live forever. so now here I am . I'm sixty years old! What happened? I honestly am somewhat in shock, to find that I am sixty years old!
I always used to be the youngest in the "bunch". Now, I find, the "bunch" has all but disappeared. " Wanda", the best friend a person ever had, died from complications of emphysema, " Sandy", cancer." Lenore", and" Brenda", in Tennessee,and Kentucky, respectively. Many others, divorced, separated, or just moved on. I have to admit, i'm kind of lonely now. I live alone in the desert southwest. It's nice here, but it's just not home. I don't think it will ever be home. Sure, my son is in the next town over. I keep in touch with the other kids, but keeping in touch isn't the same as the human touch. No hugs, or good little fish kisses, from my little sweetie. On the other hand,
I feel like someone should just give me a good swift kick in the rear bumper. I have so much. My house, hobbies, d. i. y. projects, friends. The friends however, are different. There forms a certain bond between people who are together in the struggle.
In my younger days, we all struggled, to raise the kids, to pay the rent, to keep food on the table. It was a struggle, but we weren't alone. We had friends! Not friends, with whom you go shopping and do lunch. Real friends. You could call any time of the day or night, and they completely understood, because they were scared too. We shared what little we had. When you're going through the "hard times" you don't realize, that they are also the "good times". You only find that out later. I'm lucky in other respects.
My health has been good , so far, my mind is active. I read a lot, and one of the favorite things I do are crossword puzzles. I never had time, or will, to do them previously. Now I love them. I also love to crochet. My grandmother "Julia", tried to teach me to crochet, but I just didn't get it . I thought it was something "old people" did. Turns out, crocheting is one of the most fun, relaxing things you can do, what ever your age . After she died, I bought a book, and taught myself to crochet, I felt I owed her that much. I have to admit, i'm pretty good at it. I just wish grandma could see my doilies now.
I noticed, I pray a lot too. Oh, I always did my share of that, but now I noticed , I ask for simpler things, protect the children and grandchildren, let me be happy today. Of course I know, everyone approaches the problems of aging differently, and then there are those that just don't have any problems at all. I wish I was like that. But I have problems. Seems one of them is, old hurts and pains that you have to deal with, now, or later, eventually rear their ugly heads and you have to deal with them now. There isn't too much later left.
One thing I know, life is worth the struggle. There is beauty, and goodness all around. I just have to accept it . Maybe thats the real problem. Accepting change is hard. Maybe one day , when i'm eighty, I will look back and see, that these too , were also " good times".
