The subject of discipline is one of conflict in many families today. Clear guidelines need to be agreed on and implemented for peace to reign between the family members and especially between the two parents in a family. Mothers, more often than not, have a nurturing, but sometimes too lenient attitude toward discipline, while fathers all too often are procrastinating and authoritarian disciplinarians. Fathers and Mothers often see things from different perspectives, but God designed us that way to balance the scales of discipline in a just and fair manner. Discipline should be swift, just, and sure, but not without mercy. To be effective discipline should be implemented as soon as possible after the violation of a clear house rule. The violation must always justify the punishment, or in an old cliché, " let the punishment fit the crime", while it should also be consistently implemented. Christian parents may agree on the type and amount of discipline, but more often than not, they will have disagreements where discipline is concerned. Dads, please, if mama grounds a child and tells him he's not going to that ballgame if he doesn't clean his room, don't take him to that ballgame. Moms, don't say to your child, "You can't go to that ballgame . . . ", if you know dad is going to take him anyway. Christian parents should come to a fair agreement that both can concur to and implement in a consistent and sure way. Christian parents should never hold their children out of Church related activities, school activities, or other important family outings, but rather should withhold such activities as TV and computer time, time spent with friends, and other free time activities.
The parent, who is available, when an incident requiring discipline occurs, should administer it whenever possible. Occasionally, though, the old adage "wait till your father gets home" may become necessary. When a mother is physically unable to discipline an older child, which may be the case if she is unwell, pregnant, or nursing an infant, the father should take on much of that responsibility. If the father is physically unable to discipline due to his unavailability or physical illness, it is the mothers' primary responsibility.
Harsh punishments must not be doled out without discretion for simple child-like behaviors such as the inevitable spilled milk or playful noisiness. If a child accidentally knocks over a cup at suppertime, he should be taught how to clean it up, but not yelled at or spanked rashly for normal childhood clumsiness. On the other hand, if the child turns her sippy cup upside down and watches it pour out all over the floor after she has been cautioned a light spanking may be in order. Corporal punishment may not be necessary; the cup may simply be taken away. Discretion should be used in any case. Likewise, accidentally hitting a baseball through a window should not meet with the same punishment as throwing a rock through one, when the child has been previously cautioned not to throw rocks.
Playful noisiness is often a problem in homes where the need for quiet is a priority. When any two or three children are put together, they will inevitably get a little too loud in their play. They should not be punished suddenly and harshly for playful noisiness, but rather they should be cautioned to keep the noise at an acceptable level. If they do not do so after being warned, they should be offered an alternate activity that will momentarily calm things down. For instance, if they are playing a game, you might switch them to a movie after giving them the opportunity to play the game more quietly. They loose out on playing the game that instigated the noise, but are not disciplined too harshly for a normal childhood behavior.
Discipline must, however, be implemented for any act of willful and deliberate disobedience. Open hostility and disrespectful contradiction are examples of a need for justifiable and immediate punishment, though in no case should punishment be implemented in an uncontrolled outburst of anger. Physical spanking when called for should be given on the buttocks or thighs, or possibly a light tap on the hands of a toddler, but never on the upper torso, arms, or head. Physical punishment should never leave a bruise or lasting welts. A light rap on the top of the head with the fingertips probably never harmed a child, but this could easily get out of hand if used with any real force. A pop on the mouth for sassiness has been known to happen now and then, but this too could easily get out of control, if done in anger, which it usually is. It is better to be safe than sorry, so these should not be recurring forms of discipline. But Christian parents aren't perfect; so don't be devastated if this should occur on occasion, in a heated moment.
