Many women live life juggling busy careers with family life. We adopt an autopilot approach to our multi-tasking, but we just get on with it.
Having ‘well children’ is relatively easy to contend with. And achieving the work/home balance may be a challenge, but is most certainly possible.
Once a woman has been on maternity leave for a few months, she is usually more than ready to return to ‘normal’ life, with the luxury of being able to hold grown up conversations, a far cry from wading through dirty nappies, and keeping up to date with the laundry.
21st century women like to be seen to be managing all their life responsibilities. So the joy of returning to work after having a baby is just one more way of proving her ability to cope.
You will rarely hear a woman admit that she is struggling, she will even try and trick her nearest and dearest into thinking everything is O.K, when really it isn’t.
What happens if things don’t go to plan?
Second time round, I planned my maternity leave with absolute precision. The time of year that my baby was born allowed me to be off for enough time to incorporate having Christmas off, and return to work in the New Year, so the arrangement was perfect.
Or so I thought. Having suffered serious medical complications during my pregnancy, the early days of my baby’s life were marred by my ill health, and we were housebound for several weeks.
At 5 weeks of age the baby then became ill and was required to have major bowel surgery at just 8 weeks old. By accident we also discovered that he had serious kidney failure, which now, several months on means that I am looking after a baby that is classed as having a disability.
A year ago I had only just discovered I was pregnant, and was in the planning phase, happy at what life had in store.
Today, I live with the daily sentence of nursing a small child with a chronic illness, knowing too that I must return to work soon.
Problems galore
Fortunately I have an understanding boss (ironically I am a nurse), and he was happy when I told him I would be extending my maternity leave a further 4 weeks.
But time is just going so quickly, I am in a quandary about how I am logistically going to ever be able to go back to work.
My baby requires 6 different medications a day (some are given 3 times), he has no routine as yet, and is generally unsettled. Who in their right mind would be willing to act as carer, a paid one at that?
I too have a 7 year old child, and he has just reached the age where he is more independent. I have a good childminder, and she has always been kind to us, but naturally could not extend her support to looking after the sick baby.
I love my work, and the thought of going back is a big part of what has kept me going through several difficult months.
Financially I have to work, as with most people in society, accrued debt means we work to pay our debts.
My partner is self employed and works as hard as he can to bring in a decent wage, but there are only so many hours in the day.
What support is out there?
At the age of 3 months the baby qualified for ‘Disability Living Allowance’ so the money that came from that has been useful in allowing me to be able to stay off longer. Tax credits also are slightly higher due to his disability.
But these benefits do not amount to my monthly salary, so how does someone deal with this lose-lose situation?
When, or rather if, I return to work in 2008, I will have to pay childcare, and it is likely that if I have to get a specialist childminder, they will charge more than ‘the average’ person would, because of the additional level of care needed.
Why is life so unfair? I want to work, need to work, but having a sick baby, through no fault of my own, means I may not be able to work.
The Government appears to support fully those people who, through choice, live on State benefits. I am not one of those people, and the Government, no doubt will not be is support of me.
I have researched and scoured books, magazines, and the internet in a bid to find a solution to my problems, but so far to no avail.
I suppose being in a job, as a nurse, does pigeon-hole me somewhat, and I am not able to turn my hand to a job that carries less stress or responsibility. That’s just more bad luck on my part I guess?
I wonder how many women, like me, struggle to cope with life looking after a sick child, along with keeping down a job, managing a domestic role, and support other children?
