As a child, I couldn't wait until I was an adult so I could be my own boss and make my own decisions. Now that I'm in my thirties and the mother of two, the reality of being an adult isn't exactly what I had hoped for. Along with the freedoms and independence being an adult has afforded me, I've also endured many disappointments and pitfalls along the way, and still am, thanks to psychotic family members and an ex-husband. (Divorce is a very bad word.) Yes I'm blessed with 2 beautiful children, but I can't stand either of their father's. That's not exactly how I imagined motherhood would be for me. I always thought I'd get a happy ending.
That's why I'm trying my best to make sure my children don't grow up too fast. Let them play and play with them. Yes, I still remember how to climb a tree, but don't always feel like mustering the energy to do it. Once you grow up, reality isn't always fun. I miss the luxury of not having a care in the world and I want my kids to enjoy being kids while they can. But in this fast-paced, technologically advanced society, it's not that easy a task. Expectations have changed so drastically in today's education that kids today are required to learn much more than our generation, and thus, grow up a lot faster.
For example, when I was in kindergarten I can remember how learning to cut with scissors was quite a chore because I am left-handed. I guess it never occurred to my mother to teach me how before I started school (I don't think it occurred to her to play with me either. My Grandma always did though.)
In kindergarten I remember painting on an easel, playing on the playground, nap time and snack time. I believe I only went for a half-day. I was never quizzed on the alphabet until I was in first grade. My daughter, who goes to full-day kindergarten, is not only expected to know the alphabet, she is required to know how to write it and even read! My son, who is in first grade, is working on math problems and writing in a journal every day!
As a substitute teacher's aide, I know firsthand that our children are required to sit still and concentrate most of the time they are at school. When they get home from school, instead of being able to relax and play, homework is pretty much a daily requirement.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing for this generation of mini-adults to use more of their brain power than was expected from our generation. It's pretty much a necessity if they're ever going to be successful in life. I just wonder if they should be encouraged to do so much at such a young age. Shouldn't our kids be allowed to be kids, like our generation was?
Maybe my opinion stems from being raised by a generation of parents who didn't do much with their kids. Kids were “meant to be seen, not heard”. My brother and sister and I spent most of our time with Grandma while our parents worked, or went out partying. Most Grandparents today work full-time. Most parents work full-time too, so our children spend most of their waking hours with other people and doing a lot of homework.
My summer vacation always meant hours of freedom! I used to go on long walks with my dog, and sometimes even my cat would tag along. Getting together with friends and having sleepovers was my favorite part of summer. I also had a lot of time to use my imagination, which eventually inspired me to write short stories and songs. Most schools today, including the one my kids attend, have a summer program where the bus comes to get them and brings them home. When I asked my kids if they wanted to participate, their answer, without hesitation was, “No. We want to stay home with you.”
Fortunately, I am a stay at home mom during the summer, at the moment anyway, so they have a choice. We will be spending most days at the beach, going on picnics, and having campfires at night. (A luxury I never had as a child.) I also try to make our trips to do errands fun, like a field trip since we don't have a lot of money for more exciting field trips. And, of course, they will be able to spend a lot of time playing outside in our yard and running through the sprinkler.
When I was in my teens and early twenties, I never wanted to have children. I didn't want to be responsible for bringing children into this terrible, God forsaken place. Luckily, my attitude changed. I am very thankful too, because I have found motherhood to be the most rewarding thing I've ever experienced. Being a mom somehow makes all the pain I've endured worthwhile. I've learned a lot from my parents' mistakes. I get to experience fun moments with my children that I don't think I had with my parents.
I'm not saying I was an abused child, but I never had self-esteem, confidence, encouragement to pursue my dreams, or a feeling of belonging. My mom never got down on the floor with me to play, or kicked a ball around with me in the yard. We never roasted marshmallows around a campfire or got to sleep in a tent. I truly enjoy every moment of motherhood, even when my kids are driving me crazy!
Even though I gave up my 8 year career as a secretary, for which I received a wonderful paycheck, I'm still able to give my kids something just as important as money - happy memories. And yes, I'm one of those moms who helps the kids with their homework. We may not be able to afford to go to Disneyland, yet, but for now, I sleep well at night knowing my children have lots of happy memories. (After we spend hours doing homework!)
