There are many information packages I am certain on how to be a parent. Every parent is different. Not every parent goes through the same situations. Some parents are well disciplined, well organized and fully involved in their childrens' lives. And then there are the parents who just do not care where their children are or who they spend time with or where their children end up. As a parent, it is hard for me to understand how any one could bring a child into the world and not care how they turn out.
In some cases, it does not matter how good a parent you are and how much you are involved in your childs' life. There will always be a difference of night and day in your children, if you have more than one. A child can be brought up in the best of conditions and turn out to be a horrible individual. Another child can be brought up in a pig stye of a residence and become a great leader. I, personally, have had the privilege of not only being a parent but a step-parent. Being a parent is a big enough challenge but try being a step-parent when the childrens' mothers' family is totally against your discipling their relation. When you are a step-parent of a special needs child that can not do anything for her/himself, try dealing with the relative that can not understand your methods of reaching that child to get to the underlying potential of accomplishments you can see that is there. The relation questioning your love for that child and their excuse of I love that child and he/she can not do anything and so I must do it for him/her.
Those same relatives that once condemned your training and teaching of that child and bringing that child out of his/her shell and reaching milestones that all the so-called psychologist said could not be done are praising what a great job you have done. Everyone amazed at how much that same child can do for her/himself after your influence in that childs' life. As a parent, I may have failed to be what was expected of me from my own child. However, I am very pleased with how my step-child is such a wonderful loving person and is proud to call me MOM. I loved my own mother very much but she did not have much time for me simply because I was from a very large family, a middle child and until just before her death, I did not know how much she loved me. I, finally, realized that she always thought of me as a very strong, independent person and she never had to worry about how I would turn out. I did not lie to her as to where I was going and who I would be with or how long I would be gone. She could trust me. I did not drink, smoke, use foul language or do anything that would get me in trouble.
I did not want to do anything to hurt my mother in any way. My mother did not get the opportunity to go to school as she wanted to because she was the eldest in the family and her mother was ill and needed her to stay at home to take care of her and her brothers and sisters. Even after she was married with children of her own, she had to go take care of her mother and younger brothers and sisters to make certain they had food and get them ready for school. My mother was a woman. You might not understand why I said that but in the day of my mother, most women were not into much other than getting married, having children and making a home life for her husband and children. The stay at home MOM was the theme at that time. When my mother went to get her social security, she was asked if she ever worked. Believe it or not, being a mother was not classified as work. Today we have a woman that is a VP candidate and guess what, she has children and on top of that, she has a special needs child. WOW!! Now we have the NOW organization that is suppose to be an organization for women condeming her saying she can not be a mother and a VP at the same time. What do they want women to do? If a woman who has children with a great supporting husband is not what women want, what do they want? I am certain that if the children were asked, they would say I am so proud of my mother and go for it. So her child had sex with her boyfriend and is going to have a baby. WOW!! Never heard of that before. Have you? Nonsense. I have a couple of family members that had children out of wedlock and it wasn't from casual sex.
It was from sexual assault and one of the assailants was a married man with children of his own. Both of those underage girls had the child and I can say that, at least, one of those children born out of wedlock and came from sexual assault has turned out to be a really wonderful individual. That teenage girl who took this tragedy, had this child turned out to be a very good parent. I do not care how great a parent you are, your children are going to be their own individual and will do, sometimes, things you would never believe them capable of doing. Children have a way of lying to the parents in ways a parent would never dream possible and be so casual about it. If you set the example for your child and that child wants to emulate you, then do not be surprised if they do things that as an adult you may think is okay for you but not for them.
We must as parents be parents. I do know that our ability to furnish what our child needs can be so frustrating at times because of lack of money for one reason or another but sometimes your child knowing that you love them with unconditional love will mean more to that child than anything money can buy. Do not lie to your children or try to keep the truth from them. Gather around the dinner table once again and speak with your children. Include them in your discussions and involve them in the decision making concerning your family because what you do, does concern and affect them. You would be surprised how understanding your child can be if you are honest with them. Stay involved in your childs' life but do not try to tell your child how to live their life. What you think is what your child wants to do with their life may be totally different than what that child really wants to do. Be supportive and encouraging to your child. Live the example before your child that your child is proud to say that is my MOM or my DAD.
