Growing up I never really had a great relationship with my mother. Not because she didn't love me or give me everything I needed in life but because she felt that if she gave me too much affection, it would deter me from being the independent woman she wanted me to be. As I became older, I prayed I'd have a chance to have a daughter to show her the affection that I had missed from my mother.
My prayers were answered and I had a beautiful bouncing baby girl. She was perfect. As she grew, my daughter became more and more the young lady I had always dreamt she would be. By the age 17, she had become independent, smart, outgoing, loving and beautiful. She had everything going for her and was looking for that much more for her future.
Like a good mother should, I supported her and respected her goals. The time was coming for her to go off to college and oddly enough, I was sad to see her go but was also excited for her. This was time of independence. Something I didn't have a privilege to do when I was her age. She went to a school 7 hours away. She needed to see if she could handle being on her own. In my heart, I knew she would eventually return home.
As I thought, she felt the school was too far away and decided to return home and go to a school closer to home. She still resided at a dorm at the college but was only two hours away. Towards the end of her second year, she advised me she was dating someone who she liked very much and wanted to invite him over for dinner. My door was always open to any of her friends. When I met him, I didn't like his outlook on life and his negative attitude.
Because I thought it was only dating and nothing serious, I didn't think I had anything to worry about but my husband thought different. He had told me, we should be careful with the guy because there was something about him he didn't like. About 2 months later, my daughter informed me she was pregnant and wanted to keep the baby. The worst of the news was the baby belonged to this guy.
I struggled with my jealousy, anger, disappointment and heartache. It must have taken me 3 months before I realized my daughter truly loved this guy and somehow I had to find it in my heart to let her go. I cannot begin to tell you the torment that went through in my heart and the tears that I had shed but still I had to let her go.
To my amazement she chose to live at home until both she and the guy finished their school and got married. She had always told me she didn't want to leave home unless she was financially stable or married and currently she was neither. She had made a mistake by having sex before marriage and getting pregnant but advised me she was smart enough to know she didn't want to make any more mistakes in her life and wanted to continue on with her goals for her future even if she had a baby.
She's home, but I still had to find it in my heart to let go of her heart and be able to share her love with someone else. She is a great, independent, strong, beautiful, opinionated and pregnant woman. I'm proud to have her as my daughter.
