Baby has arrived and life has changed for everyone involved. A new mother often becomes so immersed in the care of her child that it is easy for her to lose a sense of who she is beyond her role as mother. Once some time has gone by and everyone has more or less settled into new routines, it is time to reclaim a few basics for herself. Where should she start, how much of her former life can she hope to regain and what steps can she take to achieve her goals may become a woman's questions as she tries to separate herself from the role of child-care provider and rediscover the rest of who she is.
One of the best places to start is to look at who the members of your support network are. Beyond being the mother of your child, you still have many other facets and roles that may have become forgotten in your busy baby life. Daughter, sister, aunt, niece, cousin, spouse and friend are still parts of your personality repertoire. While you may be speaking with these loved ones more often now about diaper rash or pureed food choices, it is possible to work other topics into conversation. Current events, whether national, international or close to home are still valid concerns. Allow yourself to spread your interests beyond the playpen and formula to broader subjects, especially when interacting with other grown ups.
If your current circle has the unfortunate tendency to focus only on motherly concerns, it may be time to widen your horizons and make new contacts. There are any number of online as well as face-to-face groups for just about any topic. Certainly you can find a meeting of minds that discusses more than raising offspring. Allow yourself to explore. If one group doesn't feel right for you, try another, Even the act of searching can bring you out of your mommy mindset and shake loose pieces of yourself that you may feel you have lost.
Make time away from the children and the household. As well as making couples-only time with your spouse or other significant partner, make alone time with yourself and spend it doing things you like. This can be difficult, of course, when you have very young children who need so much of your time and attention, but if you don't do something to be there for yourself and take care of your own needs, eventually you're going to feel so drained emotionally that you will have nothing left to give anyone. You are valuable and need to spend time on yourself.
You might not be interested in nor be able to afford the club-hopping or other wild nights that you enjoyed back when you were young and unfettered, but that doesn't mean you can't go out to the occasional movie or a play, even by yourself. If you are too loath to go it alone, find a friend to accompany you or attend something with your Significant Other. Find something that engages you and get into it. Even a simple day to the beauty salon or other pampering can work wonders.
It can stymie some mothers as to where to start when it comes to spending time on themselves, especially when they're trying to find something significant to jolt their adult sensibilities. Ask yourself what you enjoyed before becoming a mother. Whether it was art, writing, history, politics, religion, reading or any number of other hobbies or interests, these activities are just as important now as before the baby came. Find time for your favorite subjects and re-explore them. Or if previous activities no longer appeal to you, what activities have you always wanted to try instead. Perhaps join a gym or hobby club of some kind. Find something that stimulates your intellect and interest and allow yourself to indulge.
The most important thing is to get out of your mommy routine and explore. Just do something. And do it without your little ones. The only way you're going to rediscover yourself is to spend time with yourself. And spend that time doing things your adult self enjoys doing. Being a mother is one of the hardest yet most rewarding jobs of all time. Just make sure that you spend some of your time getting to know and take care of yourself, too. Everyone will benefit.
