Many stay at home mothers often report feelings of resentment or anger towards their husband; they feel bitter when their husband comes home from work and immediately begins to relax. The stay at home mother feels that he has had an opportunity to relax throughout the day for the mere fact that he was “out of the house” all day.
It is important to realize that both the mother and the father have full-time jobs when it comes to raising a family. The occupation involved in raising a family is a non-stop process with no breaks or paid vacation time - it is essential that both parents take an equal role in raising their children.
Each parent has a vital role to play in the proper development of their children. The mother primarily instructs her children the importance of love and how to express it to others; the father teaches respect for others and self-esteem.
It is often difficult to find the perfect balance for both the mother and the father. How much should mother expect from the father and visa versa? It is significant to recognize that while dad works outside of the home all day, mom works inside of the home all day. Both responsibilities are equally important, one could not succeed without the other. Each role deserves respect and admiration as the family would struggle to succeed without one or the other.
Suggestions for Mom to Help Dad Become More Involved at Home
- When Dad comes home from work, do not immediately overwhelm him by “dumping” as he walks in the door. Greet him with a kiss and then allow him a couple minutes to put his things down, change his clothes, and use the restroom. This time will allow his mind to shift gears and focus on the family.
- Provide some form of relaxing music or entertainment for your husband's enjoyment on the way home from the office. Encourage him to leave the office affairs at the office.
- Once Dad has had his couple of minutes to unwind, effectively communicate your needs. He will have a difficult time guessing your needs - instruct him.
- Encourage Dad's participation in the variety of events in which your children take part.
- Do not parent or discipline Dad. It is easy to treat Dad just like he is your child - recognize that he is a parent just as much as you.
- Allow Dad to discipline your children and support his decisions. Be sure to communicate your disciplining procedures so that your children receive consistency.
- Recognize that Dad has his own way of doing things - do not demand that he does everything your way!
- Most men bond by doing things - sports, projects, etc. Encourage Dad to play sports with your children or to work on projects with them around the house or in the yard. While some men may enjoy cuddling their children, it is not how most psychologically initiate bonding.
Activities to Get Dad More Involved
- Call Dad at work - allow kids to say “Hi!”
- If Dad is on a business trip, allow each child a couple minutes to tell Dad about their day on the phone each evening
- Invite Dad to all school activities - encourage his participation
- Encourage Dad to participate in athletic events with your children
- Praise Dad for being involved, providing for the family, and helping around the house. Dad's love being praised. By doing so, the praise will also be reciprocated back to you!
- Communicate - let Dad know what your needs are. Open your mouth and talk; do not allow him to guess.
- Allow Dad time off. Dad needs breaks just as much as you do. Recognize that his responsibilities and worries differ from yours.
- Encourage your children to love Dad - allow them to show excitement when he walks in the door
- Allow your child to participate in various chores Dad does around the house. By allowing your child to be with Dad when he mows the lawn, fixes the car, or sweeps the garage, they communicate and bond. Besides, these activities can be very educational for your child.
The father of the house has a very important role. By encouraging his involvement, you build a stronger family and a stronger marital relationship.
