"Oldest and youngest children can usually find reasons to be glad about their place in the family. Not so middle children. They often aren't the biggest and strongest, they aren't the babies who get away with murder, they aren't really anything special, at least in their own minds. Sometimes they feel invisible." Robert Needlham, MD. (drSpock.com)
I am a middle child.
Along with feeling invisible within our family group of four siblings, all sisters, I am also generous, secretive, adaptable...and very independent. I am a peacemaker and easy going...it takes awhile before I become aroused enough for the sleeping dragon to appear.
I am a watcher. I have learned to watch people, looking deeply (if they'll let me) into their eyes and learning their body language. I listen not to others, necessarily, but to my intuition. And I don't allow myself to be dishonest with myself.
Something I learned in AA...if you can't tell the truth to others, at least never lie to yourself. This has stood me in good stead. I can always tell if I am lying to myself...the signs of shallow breathing and unease are obvious.
I went my own way, in life. I don't think anyone in the family really noticed I was gone. I would surface every once in awhile, would be treated as if my opinions were ridiculous...and then I was largely ignored. I learned at a young age, as a result of being a middle child, that friends were very important to me.
And so, my friends became my family. But I chose partners unwisely; I was still used to being ignored or laughed at...and I opened the door to that kind of behavior on the part of my ex-husbands. It would take maturity and a few life-altering events and much therapy before the idea that my opinions held merit actually surfaced.
I enjoy being listened to. I enjoy it when others think my advice is sound, and I have learned that I really have opinions. I have learned to share my feelings a little more, I have learned I crave peace...therefore avoiding conflict that impacts on my serenity.
And therein lies the rub. I avoid conflict. As a middle child, I try to keep life smooth. I am a peacemaker. I used to be called Miss Switzerland by my former neighbors...I see all sides of a situation, and try to negotiate and help.
But what if my skills are not wanted, or listened to? What if the middle child syndrome is still there, in the convoluted, knotted, balled up rope that signifies our sibling relationship?
Perhaps there is too much baggage from the past that has yet to be dealt with, for me to clearly see the solution.
But when I do become a milk sop?
When do I become a sodden piece of toast that is so easily washed away? As if I was a bothersome fly?
I ask my guides for help in this situation that has become unconscionable for me. I turn it over to Creator, because my intuition tells me this is one battle that is not about me.
It is about fairness and justice...and honour. It is about giving dignity to the infirm, to make them believe they still count. It is about treating others as I would want to be treated by them, even if I was not aware enough to know it. It is not about judgment.
These are hard lessons. They are beyond even my middle child capabilities to impart, sometimes, to others. And that is why Creator is the one to teach them.
With that in mind, maybe I should just hear what my intuition is trying so hard to tell me, by blocking me at every turn. Maybe I should watch, learn, use patience and love. Maybe I should just listen.
I am good at those things, too. I am a middle child, after all.
