“I won’t make the same mistakes my mother did,” “I can’t do this alone,” “Things will get better once we’re married,” “I will finally be right in God’s eyes again.” These were all thoughts going through a 21 year old mother of two daughters. She knew the boy she was about to marry was not “the one”; however, she didn’t think she would ever find anyone better. What was she to do?
Lynn was raised in a broken home. Her mother had gone through two marriages, and an equal number of divorces. Lynn vowed to herself, as a young girl, that she would never follow in her mother’s footsteps. She would never put her kids through the torture of a broken/blended family. Lynn loved her Lord and vowed never to conceive children out of wed-lock. She would finish school, settle in her career, find a man, settle down, then raise a happy family; in that order.
Shortly before her eighteenth birthday, Lynn felt an overwhelming need to spread her wings and find herself. After her birthday she ran away with a carnival to do just that. It wasn’t long before she was alone in an alien land: and pregnant. Over the next eight months, she continued to travel, and thought she was finding herself. Little did she know, she was only burying her. Before long she was living with a younger man, who really didn’t think he could handle the responsibility of another man’s baby.
Somehow, Lynn convinced Jimmy to stick around. And before long baby number two was on the way. They lived in a tiny portion of a camper trailer, moving from place to place every week. Sometimes without their “home” leaving them to shack up in a motel. Most of them weren’t pretty. Sometimes, the lots they rested on had no water for days, and maybe no power at all. This was no place to raise children, and definitely not the life Lynn had dreamed of as a child. Jimmy wasn’t ready to leave his life yet, but vowed his devotion. So, she took the girls and moved in with her sister.
Lynn got a job, and started a life. She started to wonder if Jimmy was really coming. Three long months, several tears, and a forced proposal over the phone later, he had arrived: on her sister’s dime. It took them four months to get their own place. Bills pilled up, jobs slacked off. Lynn thought about returning to school, but Jimmy couldn’t “handle” the added responsibility. So, Lynn worked two jobs and took care of the kids, while Jimmy flunked out of trade school.
They went through all the motions. They answered all the questions “right”, and soon the day had arrived. Jimmy stayed up partying, while Lynn planned everything. Her family asked her if she was sure. They told her they would understand if she backed out. She told them things were fine, “It’s better than it looks from the outside,” she assured them. You could tell from the photos that the day was far from the picture she’d dreamed of as a child.
Another child came, bills pilled up, infidelity struck, and rock bottom was found. Lynn tried, she tried with everything she had to make things work. However, it takes more than one person to make a marriage work. It also takes more than right answers or philosophies. It takes more than love, desperation, courage, wisdom, faith, or even sacrifice. Unfortunately, the union between Lynn and Jimmy had none of these, therefore their marriage failed. Two short years after their wedding, Lynn left with the three kids; to start a new life. I would like to say, that eventually Jimmy came around and at least became a “good” father, but I can’t even say that.
So much for all the right reasons; they ended up being precursors to the evident doom of her marriage. She’s now working on her second marriage, thus passing the blended family curse down to her own children. She found that being a single mother may be difficult, but not impossible. She also learned that no paper can change a human being, and no circumstance can change a situation; without the people involved wanting a change. She’s in no better light of her God, since she is now a member of the divorcee club, and spent four years living with her fiancé before they married. Through this experience she learned the value of finding the right person, instead of settling for “the best she can do right now”.
Lynn and Carl met by coincidence. They formed a bond that could not be broken, and have been growing with and through each other since the day they met. They’ve shared fears and failures, strengths and victories, doubt and disbelief, faith and love. They became one because they loved each other, not because they thought it was best. They chose to “tie the knot” because they couldn’t imagine their lives without each other, not because they couldn’t imagine their lives alone. Sure they’ve had problems, but instead of hoping things will get better at the next turn in their lives, they’ve worked through each struggle; together, giving when needed and taking when necessary. They are right in God’s eyes because of their faith and reliance in Him, not because of their actions.
