Whatever happened to manners? Whatever happened to teaching children to be polite? I have been reprimanded today by a mother of one who has informed me that not only am I too strict, but I am not moving with the times. Let us explore that a little, shall we?
I believe that my kids should address people properly. They are not equals with adults, nor are they to treat them with a familiar tone. They use the words missus, miss, and mister. When an adult gives them permission to use their first name, they still add the miss or mister to it. For example "Miss Penny, can I have another cookie."
Why is this a wrong thing to do? Why is this considered too old fashioned, and so out of date that it should not be taught? I know it is not a big deal to most, but it is to me. It not only a small formality, but also it underlines the boundaries that are always overlooked. The little slights are the ones that lead to the larger slights later.
Interrupting people when they are in the middle of a conversation, except in an emergency, is a big no. I was taught from the time I started talking to not interrupt. Not only is it rude, but also it is really annoying. Tons of parents out there have never taught their child this basic step in the manners ladder. I cannot remember the last time I have had a conversation with an adult with kids that was not rudely interrupted. Let me just acknowledge it is going to happen, but no one stops and makes the child wait until they are finished talking. I do this to prove a point.
On the other hand, I try not to interrupt their conversations either. If I ask them to behave this way, I try to do it to. According to this woman who felt the need to "school" me in raising children, this is an antiquated value.
Please, Thank You, Pardon Me, Excuse Me, these words should be staples in any person's vocabulary. It is not old fashioned to say thank you or excuse me. It may be funny to say "Man that was good!" when you burp in the company of other giggly kids, but it is not the standard behavior. These little niceties are on their way to extinction, and, according to this woman, no longer really needed. When did that happen? In my world there is no excuse for nonuse of these particular words.
When did it become okay to let your kids run amok in a restaurant? Now I have six children, and with foster children we can have up to ten, and I can say without a moment's hesitation that they do not:
Run around between the tables
Hide under the tables
Shout across the room
Throw food
Disturb the other diners
If any one of these actions occur not only are we leaving, but also there will be a scene at home that will make the Battle at Gettysburg look like a checkers match. I just feel that there are certain ways people behave while going out to eat that must be taught. I know people who never take their kids out to eat because they don't know how to behave. They will never learn how to behave if their parents won't teach them.
I know I am just chipping the tip of the proverbial iceberg here, but these were the points I was reprimanded on. Other sore topics are:
Kids who scream at their parents in public to get what they want, and it works.
Children under the age of twelve with cell phones
Children under the age of twelve out until they feel like coming home. This one applies to my neighbor down the street. Her two boys are nine and seven and can be seen running around at 10 o'clock at night.
Parents who are ruled by their kids.
Parents who cannot tell you where their children are at any particular time.
Now I am not perfect, and neither are my children, especially some of the foster kids. I will allow myself to embrace my old fashioned imperfections. I just think that a little manners go a long way. I believe that I would fail my children if I did not teach these values to them.
Politeness is not optional. A display of manners goes a long way in the world, and should be second nature. It displays respect to your fellow beings, and over time I believe it allows you to be the person you should be. Maybe this is where the world has gone wrong. This lack of respect and rudeness has been allowed to infiltrate our daily lives, and we have allowed it to do so. It only takes one loose string to pull apart a shirt. Maybe politeness is the string that held the world together, and now it is unravelling.
