Do you think your young daughter is hanging around with boys too much? Do you wish she would stick to playing with girls? I certainly did, especially when I found my ten-year-old bouncing around on her bed with one of her male friends. I also had to put my foot down when she asked if she could sleep over at a boy's house. I spoke to the mother and she understood my concerns. Not only was I concerned for the children, I didn't know the father either.
We didn't have a lot of little girls in our neighbourhood so my daughter hung out with the boys. She began to enjoy all sorts of sports from skateboarding to basketball to street hockey. Now 11, she is a confirmed tomboy. She will only shop for clothes in the boys' section as girl's clothes with their cap-sleeves and low-rise jeans are too uncomfortable for her. I should be grateful she doesn't dress in those skanky crop-tops and tight mini shorts.
Back to playing with the boys. There was an incident at school last year where a boy became possessive of my daughter and jumped any boy who tried to come near her. The vice-principal called me about this incident and I spoke to my daughter about it. I asked her where the girls were. Why wasn't she playing with the girls? She said the girls were boring. However, I told her that she needed to stay away from the boys and play with the girls.
Having said this it gave me pause. My 14-year-old never really played with boys when she was younger and has yet to show interest in them. Sure, she has pictures of Zach Efron on her wall, but she will not approach boys with whom she has been going to school for years. I try to encourage her to have male “friends” but she shies away from the idea. I never had male friends growing up, never dated in high school. In fact I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 22. I married him because he was the only guy who ever showed any interest in me. We divorced after six long, painful years.
I now realize the relationships my daughter has with boys is actually very healthy. She has both male and female friends. There are more girls on our street now. Not too long ago she became very close to a boy and went over to his street every day after school to play with him. After about two months she decided she didn't like him and stopped going over there. She said he “bugged” her. This is the way she is going to get to know different types of boys, their characters, their behaviours. When she is older she will know when a certain boy walks into her life that he is that special someone. She will know what she likes and dislikes in a man. They will, hopefully, be friends before they become lovers.
So I now do not object to her playing with boys. She plays with girls too. She is active in organized co-ed sports leagues. As long as she doesn't cross the line too soon, which believe me I will be keeping a close eye on, she can choose her own friends both male and female. But, if at sixteen she brings home some motorcycle dude with tattoos and body piercings, all bets are off.
