One of the most trying times in parenting and family life comes when parents with children from previous marriages unite to create a blended family. Suddenly, entirely new set of rules and behaviors need to be established, and then followed. Here, then, are several ways that newly blended families can make a seamless transition to a new life together.
Stand together on issues of discipline: Parents should always present a united front when establishing rules for conduct, both acceptable and unacceptable. Make it known up front that there will be consequences for misbehavior. In doing this, parents put in place a set of standard and predictable "house rules", which in turn foster a sense of safety and security in their children.
Take the lead in raising/disciplining your own children: Remarried women often assume, in error, that their new husbands will smoothly assert their authority over their children, while remarried men look to their new wives as instant "2nd moms". In truth, however, step-parents must learn that the love and respect of their children is earned over time, not overnight.
Assign each child duties and responsibilities: Insure each child has hisor her own household chore and responsibility, continuing to stress the importance of "house rules". Delegate the chores in a way that children feel both accepted as family members and as vital parts of the household.
Set rules and schedules for visits from former spouses: Children of blended families are in need of stability and predictability. When guidelines for visits from former spouses are in place, tht sought-after stability is added, and any potential chaos and drama can be avoided.
Keep grandparents and other extended family members in the loop: Keep this in mind--grandparents and any other extended family need a proper amount of time to get over the loss of the original family unit, before becoming an active part of the new stepfamily.
Don't set unrealistic expectations: A big hurdlefacing unmarried spouses is the fact that their children and their new partner don't always bond. realize then that there are some things you just can't control, and strive instead to create a new spirit of cooperation among all concerned.
Be careful with unknown situations: Showing patience when confronted with unfamiliar circumstances goes a long way toward froming a tight-knit stepfamily. this means that each member of the new family should get the proper space and time to adjust to new personalities and circumstances.
Take time out for family conferences: Holding periodic family meetings will help improve communication, and insure that the new family environment remains one of nurturing and cooperation.
Having a great blended family will take time, patience, and effort, but with cooperation from everyone involved, it's something that doesn't have to be an insurmountable obstacle.
