Is Billy Jealous of the New Baby?
Many parents have noticed that older siblings have problems when a new baby arrives and knocks the little prince or princess off of his or her throne. Suddenly they're not the center of attention. As husbands, some of us can identify with those feelings-it was difficult when that first baby came and we suddenly lost our position as #1 in our wife's life. We got over it, though, and here's some handy tips to help the older child overcome the jolt of losing one's position as the little darling.
BEGIN EARLY
Start early in the pregnancy showing excitement not only about the baby, but about Susie becoming a “BIG SISTER!!!” Keep Susie in focus as you talk about the baby so she sees a benefit to this new family member arriving. If you list (over time) all the terrific benefits of being a big sister (e.g., someone to play with), Susie will focus less on what she'll be giving up.
PHOTO OF BIG SISTER/BROTHER
Imagine the excitement of little Jacob going to the hospital to see Mom and the new baby. Imagine his astonishment upon peering through the glass into the nursery at having you say, “That one! The one with YOUR picture in his little crib! Baby Tyler needed his big brother's photo to learn who you are!” Pack a photo of the older sibling(s) in your hospital bag (along with some tape), and have dad or a nurse simply tape it inside the baby's hospital bassinet.
GIFT FROM THE BABY
During all the fuss in the hospital room when mom and the baby are getting all the attention, announce that now it's Missy's (the older sibling's) special time. Bring out a gift-wrapped package explaining that this is “the first time Missy has been a big sister, and Baby Joel wanted to give her this present! Missy, this is from Baby Joel!” It is difficult to be jealous of a gift giver. The gift can be something as simple as a 99-cent trinket. Don't get elaborate. Just wrap something simple and include it in your hospital bag.
CANDLE HELP
When mommy's dinner arrives, it will include some kind of desert. Whether it's cake or not, reach into that pre-packed hospital bag for a birthday candle. Make a big production of lighting it to celebrate the baby's birthday and say, “Matthew, your little sister can't blow out her own birthday candle! Could you help her by making a wish for her and blowing it out?” Kids love ritual, and they usually only get to blow out birthday candles once a year.
NEW BABY OF HER OWN
This idea may need modification or simply skipped for a son depending on the family. Does your daughter enjoy dolls? How included might she feel if, when Mommy is wheeled out of the hospital holding her brand new baby, your daughter also has a brand-new baby doll all her own to carefully carry down to the car? This idea often gets a lot of mileage that lasts days after arriving home.
INVITE CLOSE VISITORS TO INCLUDE THE SIBLING IN SMALL GIFTS
Finally, let parents, family, and close friends know that you are making efforts to reduce shock and jealousy in your baby's sibling. Ask them to include the child by recognizing their new big sister or big brother status when they first come to visit the new baby. You might consider asking them to include the sibling with a small gift if they will be bringing a gift for the baby. The sibling will also enjoy opening the baby's gift because, after all, the baby needs a big brother/sister to help open gifts until he/she gets bigger!
These and other ideas can go a long way to prevent hurt feelings and jealousy when a new baby comes to share Mom and Dad. Make it a family event and not all about the baby, and your family will all be able to make the changes and adjustments more easily.
